The Ten Minute Anger Rule

Before Tom and I were married, he and I made a peculiar pact. 

We agreed that following any argument, we'd be free to stay mad at each other for ten minutes. So if we fought about something and then Tom left to go to work, each of us, separately, could allow ourselves ten 'luxury' minutes of staying angry.

After that, we had to Get Over It. Move On. Forgive.

Okay, I know, I know. To some of you, that sounds hilarious. But seriously? All these 27 years later, the Ten Minute Anger Rule has proved to be a Good Thing for us.

And no---I am not in any way implying that we've always kept that rule. I mean hey, this very week we broke it over the should-we-move-to-that-horrible-place? fiasco (which, by the way, is still not 100% settled, but at least there's peace between us again).

So what's the use of having a Ten Minute Anger Rule if it's going to be broken sometimes?

It becomes a goal. Something to aim toward. (If we aim toward nothing, then that is what we will hit--nothing and who wants that?)

Because we've put a limit on our anger, in all these 27 years we've never spent days of angry silence--poisonous days where anger regurgitates, coming back like a bronking bull when it started life as a yipping terrier. If we stay mad longer than ten minutes, then there's this feeling of cheating as each extra moment ticks by.

The ten minute rule allows us to vent our anger--give it a frisky little run around the block so that it doesn't feel all pent-up. Yet it's like leading something manageable on a leash. 

But i you let Anger race free for as long as he wants? He'll topple your whole neighborhood.

And the ten minute goal means forgiveness arrives at our house faster. God can't step up to our door carrying His brand of healing if our home is still blazing in bright orange anger flames.

No, may it rain, may He rain upon our anger and quench it to nothingness with His love.


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