Thursday, October 05, 2006

Live and Learn

Remember how I posted about the possibility of Tom taking a job in California and how upsetting it was that he would consider such a wild and crazy thing?

Well, I have to admit here, today--I am sorry I even brought it up. For one thing, it's looking like it's not even going to happen. So basically, I didn't need to say anything at all. Darn.

Or perhaps it could still happen--we don't know for certain yet. Let's just say we've been at peace about it either way. We've not lost a bit of sleep over it--at least, not for a few months. Not since we asked God what we should do and He gave us the perfect, peace-loaded answer.

I guess I'm most sorry about mentioning it in the first place (now, hang in there with me till the end--don't freak-out yet)--because I've always been a private person. I've never, ever been one to phone everybody I know for advice or race around, whining to whole crowds, "What do you think I should do?" Never.

For one thing, most people don't even know what God wants them to do, let alone me, too. For another thing, I'd rather ask God first and then let other people confirm what He told me, often without my even telling them any of the details (or confirm that perhaps I heard wrong). The confirmation thing happens a lot. That generally works out best.

But those posts I wrote here (and my emails to lots of old friends) weren't asking for advice, either, but they sure did bring in a lot of it, nonetheless. It was like hearing from tons of people who are not me telling me what I should do and how I should feel and what they did or would do and how I should do what they did, and on and on.

In a way, it was like inviting 300 of my closest friends (heh) into my home to give me their opinion when all I wanted was to just be listened to. And patted on the head and told everything will be all right. But it was more like being told 300 different things in 300 different ways how I should feel about California and what Tom and I should do.

What was I thinking??

And now I regret the whole thing. And I have learned my lesson. Well, I can hope so, anyway. I mean, I've not even mentioned that just because God was appearing to give grace to Tom and I to live apart for while, that doesn't mean He was giving grace to everyone who heard our decision. That came through loud and clear... and I regret how it bothered some people just to think about it. Grace is so precious--it is sometimes like Mary Poppins' spoonful of sugar which helps the medicine go down. (And how sad that I just know that will ruffle some religious feathers. But sometimes you just can't please everyone, so you must just aim to please God.) So anyway, I do apologize if that living apart part saddened anyone.

After talking it over with God and Tom, what I should have done--because I did need to share the burden with someone else since it felt like such a big deal--was to just share this burden with one or two friends who I trust. Not the entire Blogland and Email Kingdoms.

Sometimes I forget that this online world is like a whole other life I am leading. And no wonder I (and others as I've seen) sometimes become overwhelmed and have to step away for a few days. Basically, I don't believe we were meant to live two lives. But for me, anyway, that's what this whole online thing feels like. My other, second life. And well, I lost my concept of how huge and involved this other life can be. How it's much more complicated and far-reaching--by far--than my 'Real Life.'

God has helped me learn how to handle that Real Life--but it took a whole lot of years. A. Whole. Lot. Of. Years. And now He's teaching me how to handle this other life. Let's hope it doesn't take nearly as long.

Just a little poll.... Have you ever shared something in your blog which you wish you hadn't? You don't have to tell me what it was... I'd just like to know I'm not the only one.

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