Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Waking From The Fog of Indecision

"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." ... James 1:8

Good gracious. I am so slow.

Since February I've gone back and forth about putting this farm up for sale. This year or next year? This springtime or next? And then I'd try figuring-out the advantages of waiting or going ahead, second-guessing like a wild woman.

And in the meantime, negative things kept happening (I've shared many of them with you already) and I'd keep hearing this inside: "Just how bad do things have to get?" Over and over. And I'd look around at these green, lovely acres of a dream-come-true and think, "Bleh. It feels as though I'm living someone else's life. I don't even want to put in a garden this year(!)" Then I'd feel like an ungrateful brat and a sorry, wimpy woman, indeed.

But no more. Today Tom and I ate lunch out on the patio and I told him (for the 300th time) how one day I think we should sell this place now, then the next day I'm thinking we should wait. And how it's making me nuts.

I asked him, "What are you thinking?" And he replied, "I'm thinking we should move away in a year or less."

"A year or less?! Well, that means we must put it up for sale right now! Next April would be way too late, if that's the way you're feeling."

And you know? Finally (finally!) I felt some peace. Finally the decision was made--tomorrow I'll contact our favorite real estate agent and I'll ask her to come out here in two weeks. In the meantime, we'll finish various projects and do what we can to make this place sell-able.

And the other thing? We're going to stop trying to figure out the future and just how God is going to pull this off. We'll leave the hard stuff to Him. The headaches, also.

Good gracious. Here all along I've been preaching to people, "Sometimes you just have to step out to find out," yet there I was vacillating like a ping pong ball, back and forth, back and forth! And watching my double-mindedness spread like Laura Ingalls' grasshoppers and my peace fade like a painting in the sun.

As of next Monday, we will have owned this farm for three years, and you know? It's been a wild, three-year ride. And oh, we'll always be grateful we took this ride, yet now it's time to get off for obvious reasons and ones known only to God who sees our future and desires that we keep up with Him, that we remain in the safety of His timing and His plans for us.

Let the new adventure begin.


Believe me, I know how much I have jerked you poor people around on this decision. And I do apologize. But today I'm committing myself to see this thing through. Finally.


I so feel like this right now:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ... Anais Nin


Retired Knitter said...

Well I've only just discovered your blog. So I look forward to hearing about how this sale goes and what new adventures are in store for you.

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

And you said; "Tom, what do you think?" And Tom replied; ""I'm thinking we should move away in a year or less." And peace returned, with a decision. :-)

And 'Aunt Amelia' would say, Tom listened to his "inside speaking." He consulted his "gut feeling." And it told him....... I so believe in consulting our "gut feeling"!

And I know, what I call "gut feeling," you call Grace, but the words don't really matter. It's the peace, which a decision brings with it.

And I'm so, so, so happy that you have made a decision. Yes!!!! Onward...

Gentle hugs,

K.E. said...

A wise friend once told me - don't sit around wondering if God wants you to do something - start doing it. He'll let you know.
Back in 1995 when Fawn asked me to go to Ireland with her school, oh how I agonized. I wanted to go! I had no money (don't think I even had $10 in the bank). How in the world could I go?! But I wanted to go...and on and on.
Finally, one evening, I got sick of hearing myself and I declared that I was going.
At that very moment a visceral sensation happened - like that of gears suddenly starting up, connecting and putting things into motion.
It was if God was saying, "Finally! Now I can get to work!"

Jammie J. said...

I can't believe you've been there for 3 years. It seems like just yesterday (to me) that you moved there! Wow.

Anonymous said...

Well, so the decision is made!! Happy for you...we are in a similar situation, except just renting...however, hubby still working. Tonight he wants to discuss quite a few things with me...so we shall see where we are tomorrow too!! (I feel it would help to have a destination...but there are still things to do prior anyway).

Blessings, Elizabeth in NC

Anonymous said...

Good luck I have just put my house on the market myself. I'm in Canada and moving to the Maritimes. Hope you and I sell quickly.
Best of luck! You have a lovely place and it should attract lots of potential buyers.


Anonymous said...

Best of luck, Debra. All will be well. Joyce

Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Best of luck, Debra....I know your heart was attached to the idea of a farm, and I think it was good that you did this while you could. But it calls for putting too much energy into the work of the farm, and I think you need your energy in other places...So. Now you just have to see what God has in mind for you...And for some other couple who may buy your little farm. Blessings!

Julie in Texas said...

Debra, it is uncanny how what you and Tom are going through is hitting a chord with me! We have been in our home only 4 years and I know I will not be living here this time, next year. Don't know how it will all fall in place, but I expect to have a story to tell when it does! :)

Robin in New Jersey said...

Looking forward to watching your journey unfold!