Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Waking From The Fog of Indecision
"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." ... James 1:8
Good gracious. I am so slow.
Since February I've gone back and forth about putting this farm up for sale. This year or next year? This springtime or next? And then I'd try figuring-out the advantages of waiting or going ahead, second-guessing like a wild woman.
And in the meantime, negative things kept happening (I've shared many of them with you already) and I'd keep hearing this inside: "Just how bad do things have to get?" Over and over. And I'd look around at these green, lovely acres of a dream-come-true and think, "Bleh. It feels as though I'm living someone else's life. I don't even want to put in a garden this year(!)" Then I'd feel like an ungrateful brat and a sorry, wimpy woman, indeed.
But no more. Today Tom and I ate lunch out on the patio and I told him (for the 300th time) how one day I think we should sell this place now, then the next day I'm thinking we should wait. And how it's making me nuts.
I asked him, "What are you thinking?" And he replied, "I'm thinking we should move away in a year or less."
"A year or less?! Well, that means we must put it up for sale right now! Next April would be way too late, if that's the way you're feeling."
And you know? Finally (finally!) I felt some peace. Finally the decision was made--tomorrow I'll contact our favorite real estate agent and I'll ask her to come out here in two weeks. In the meantime, we'll finish various projects and do what we can to make this place sell-able.
And the other thing? We're going to stop trying to figure out the future and just how God is going to pull this off. We'll leave the hard stuff to Him. The headaches, also.
Good gracious. Here all along I've been preaching to people, "Sometimes you just have to step out to find out," yet there I was vacillating like a ping pong ball, back and forth, back and forth! And watching my double-mindedness spread like Laura Ingalls' grasshoppers and my peace fade like a painting in the sun.
As of next Monday, we will have owned this farm for three years, and you know? It's been a wild, three-year ride. And oh, we'll always be grateful we took this ride, yet now it's time to get off for obvious reasons and ones known only to God who sees our future and desires that we keep up with Him, that we remain in the safety of His timing and His plans for us.
Let the new adventure begin.
Believe me, I know how much I have jerked you poor people around on this decision. And I do apologize. But today I'm committing myself to see this thing through. Finally.
I so feel like this right now:
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ... Anais Nin