Saturday, June 03, 2006

Tormenting Ourselves

I'm still thinking about the movie, Little Manhattan (see my post below).

In one scene, Gabe is wondering, just by looking across the karate classroom at Rosemary's face, if Rosemary is mad at him for something he did. Her lips smile a little, and Gabe thinks, "She loves me." She turns and frowns just a tad and he fears, "She loves me not." Gabe's anxious, worried mind goes back and forth and back and forth--she loves me, she loves me not--just by trying to read Rosemary's teensiest facial movements.

Boy, did that bring back memories of a few decades of torturing myself by trying to second-guess people, instead of just applying good ol' communication.

We do it to ourselves. We way too often torture ourselves.

We wonder if people are mad at us, yet we're afraid to simply ask. Or we go ahead and ask, and then doubt or analyze the answer if it was, "No, I'm not mad at you."

...or we base how we feel about ourselves upon how others appear to feel about us, when it would have been much better to just go to God and ask Him, "How do you think I'm doing?"

... or we allow fear to make us sick or even paralyzed to an extent... instead of holding-on to childlike faith that God is still God and He is still big enough to take care of us or our children, family and friends.

... or we stop loving ourselves if someone else stops loving us... instead of remembering, always, we have a friend in God--the lover of our souls. Always, He is passionate in His love for us... always He is willing to lead us beside the still waters--if only we'd let Him walk us there.

Probably most often we believe other people are tormenting us, when sadly, most of the time we, ourselves, are allowing anxious, torturing thoughts to spin and spin and spin around inside our aching heads.

Perhaps this is partly why I am loving my 40's... On most days, I am no longer torturing myself... no longer analyzing people and things to death... or giving myself headaches by trying to run my own life.

There was a better way all along, but it wasn't until this late decade that I discovered it... and oh, how good Life feels now.

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