Friday, October 17, 2008

Man oh man oh man oh man.

Oh man.

Did you notice the ghost town feeling of my blog? We were offline for three days.

It felt more like three weeks.

It's been test after test after test 'round these parts.

For starters, after the barn renovation, we have no money left. Well, just enough for groceries till next payday. I hope. :)

Then there's that stock market thing. Tom says we have less money to retire on now than we had fifteen years ago.

I do hope he's mistaken about that.

The reason our computer wouldn't go online is that Tom (unknowingly) turned the 'online button' off on the Time Warner modem when the tv cable went all cattywampus Tuesday night. Then he had to go to work for two days and was too busy to find the problem after arriving home. *I* tried fixing it, but stopped when I realized (quite fast) that I had no clue as to what I was doing.

My friend, Wilma, helps me keep the email going through our Gladys Taber email group (emails must first be approved by one of us), but she went on vacation, which meant no one was here to keep the group going.

Remember how I'm always saying Tom is doing too much hard work out here on the farm and how I'd not planned for him to do anything? Well, this week he hinted to my 70-year-old mother about how the bottom rows of our (rusty-nailed, splintering) barn wall needed to be torn off.

So she got out there with a hammer and pried them all off. Right before climbing up a ladder to paint the new barn trim.

I tried talking her out of it, (so, like, how do you forbid your own mother from doing something?), yet I knew it was hopeless. But when she wanted me to hold the ladder so she could climb to the top rung--the one which has stickers on it showing a dark little stickman falling backward and the word, "Danger!" written all over it--I stood my ground and said, "No way." I told her she could tie the paint brush onto a piece of plastic pipe.

Sigh. It's been one of those weeks. Two weeks, actually. Two weeks of --again--coming to terms with the fact that, in reality, I have so little control of anything on this planet. No control of anyone else, anyway, nor the weather and appliances and so much more.

No, when all is said and quite done, I believe I have control only over my own thoughts, my words and my behavior and reactions. And even there, well, it's pretty hit and miss. But at least with Him, controlling myself is possible.

And well, lacking control of my world should be ok with me. There's so much in this life which I must let roll off my back... so much I must just accept--and then leave the consequences to God, knowing that He will right all wrongs (eventually) and take care of me no matter what.

It's about trust... and trust will always require unanswered questions. And where trust is real, there will always be peace.

Always there is much to learn. Let's just hope I am learning it.
One good thing? When I was offline I had time to finally make a work space for myself up in our barn loft. (See above photo.) Doesn't look like it, but it's a 30-year-old-dream-come-true. My own space. My own organized tools in a loft where no one else walks away with them.
P.S. I may disappear again. Time Warner is messing up once more tonight so, if I do, never fear... I shall return! :)


diane said...

Well, glad you're back, i was wondering where you went. Good thoughts again you have going on in your head. I'll stay tuned, you're not alone, many of us are feeling the crunch, time to safeguard the monies.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back. Looks like you have had an interesting time lately.:)
Ya, my husband also had been talking alot about the stock market and we decided to take a chunk out of your 401K just before the stock market dropped big and before we lost anymore of our retirement. We put the money into some land near our home town that will probobly triple in price after we are finished with it.
I'm so glad your mother-in-law didn't fall from that later by the way.
You take care and I pray that things turn around for you in the money department so that you can finish with your barn renovation.

Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Debra, I was beginning to worry about you all! I hope the computer problems stay away. Your mother sounds wonderful. My mil was like that, in her own way. At 85 she was taking care of our vegetable garden when we were at the cottage and sending boxes of vegetables up with whatever relative was coming to visit. Boy, was I ever spoiled!

Nancy said...

Your mother is one spunky lady. You should have her around more often!

I fear your husband is correct about retirement funds. Mine went down 45 per cent. I hope I won't be ancient by the time it recovers! Actually, we have all we need right now, and being frugal, don't need a lot.
Life is too short to worry about things we can't control.