Monday, January 29, 2007

When You Can't Make Your Bed Without God's Help...


...you're in a very good place.

Let me explain...

Years ago I started over. God was doing amazing things in my life, namely, He had restored the joy of my salvation. But in order for me to not lose that joy (having gone along without it for years), He asked me to begin all over again, this time doing things His way, not mine. Which sounded good to me, since I'd already seen where my ways led me--to some pretty depressing, sad and lonely places, indeed.

So when I agreed to the starting all over thing, something odd and downright strange happened. Suddenly, at 36, I felt like a helpless toddler, one whose parent must help her do nearly everything because everything appears too daunting to tackle alone.

Suddenly, it felt as though I couldn't even make my bed without God's help, otherwise known as Grace. It almost felt as though Grace would stand there and do the hardest part and she'd leave the easier part for me. And because I had help (and such pleasant help) I began to enjoy what I'd previously dreaded doing alone.

Ok, that probably sounds weird. But when God is truly in the picture, things don't exactly go according the boring ol' status quo.

And not only could I not make my bed without Grace anymore, I didn't want to. I no longer want to do anything without Grace and without God's presence and His strength (as opposed to mine). And because that became my heart's desire, over the next few months I really got into this feeling like a helpless kid thing and relying on God's help, Grace, and God's presence for every simple thing I did...

... for painting my walls--for the patience to do so and for choosing the best colors for this house...

... for grocery shopping--for the energy to get myself there, for making money-wise decisions and for not dreading the whole experience (as I had before)...

... for making dinner at the time of day when I was most tired and least inspired...

... for running errands and running the vacuum and walking around the block.

And guess what? (As if you can't already tell)... Life became incredibly sweet. After some months, because I was relying so heavily upon God and Grace for every tiny thing I did, I began to feel I always had a friend beside me. I felt like God was always near.

Because He was.
Because I relied upon Him like a helpless child.
Because I am a helpless child without Him.
And where He is, there is liberty (and creativity and joy and companionship and peace of mind and wisdom).

And I cannot imagine a more incredible way to live.


***
"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." ... Proverbs 18:24

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." ... Matthew 18:3

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