Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Sometimes I take adventures alone. Like the one I took this morning when I drove to the huge blue-grey river down the street. Tom didn't feel like coming along and that was fine... I try to sit beside the river by myself at least once a week, great weather or terrible. Not that I was there in the car this morning alone-alone. No, it felt like Jesus sat in the front seat beside me and all the rest of you were crammed in the back seat. Again, it just felt that way, and I kept writing this post inside my head for you, almost by way of conversation.
When I drove into the park, guess who greeted me from above? At least 80 geese in a V formation floating in the grey, wispy sky. I parked the car and finished listening to Patty Griffin's song about making pies (have you heard that one?) while I watched the geese until the last one vanished in the wisps. Then I sipped my Burger King coffee (you do know that Burger King makes the best coffee for the cheapest price, don't you?) and dreamed a little before I read my book and nibbled my breakfast.
There are women (I know some) who never have adventures... ones who never sit in a movie theater alone (or with anybody else), eat in a restaurant, drive out in the country or do much of anything else out-and-about (except run errands and chauffeur kids). And these same women seldom go out for coffee with friends or shop with them or do anything more than make an occasional phone call to sustain a friendship... and then, over years, lose friends from neglect, sometimes not even realizing those friends walked away until they're lying in bed having been told by a doctor to stay there awhile... and no one comes to visit, no one except maybe a husband or a child.
I try to pay attention to what's happening in my Life, but sometimes I get distracted (who doesn't?) and God has to yank me (albeit nicely--usually, that is) back to the spot in the road where I careened into a ditch. Sometimes it seems like it's not my fault I'm mired in that ditch but nearly always, God tells me it certainly is my fault. If I flew or stumbled into a ditch then I had my eyes on something other than Him. Most likely, my eyes were on problems, frustrations, or fears or quite possibly, on decorating, movies or books.
But so very long ago He had Paul write.."For we walk by faith, not by sight..." You'd think I could remember that and never forget.
Maybe that's why I take those drives down to the river (or take so many walks), even on cloudy, cold days. To remember ... to recall what gets so easily forgotten in busyness or hard times or even good times (sadly), too. To pull myself up, with His help, from any ditches or even smaller (boring) ruts I've toddled into.
And to sing along with Barlow Girl the words to their Never Alone :
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
The knowing He's always there... the never having to doubt anymore just because my feelings are sobbing something contrary. That has made all the difference. That keeps my feet on solid ground.
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you." ... Hebrews 13:5