Thursday, August 12, 2010

Are You Real? Or Unreal?

The best thing about first going online? For me, it was finding people just like myself.

And ok, that sounds rather self-serving and prideful, but let me explain.

You should have seen me as a teenager. I was shy. I listened to my friends speak and then I'd be afraid to share my vastly-different feelings. I was so unlike my immediate family that, if I didn't greatly resemble my dad, I'd have insisted I was adopted. I read different books than my friends read, loved old black and white movies and classical music when they preferred new movies and new music and walked to school in my own dreamy-eyed world while humming 1950's show tunes.

I was one odd cookie.

But then I got married at 19 and perhaps because I was exhausted from trying to hold onto my uniqueness for years, I just gave-in. I became a lot like Tom and tried to be what our pastor and his wife told me I should be (at one point, they told me to stop writing kind notes and letters to people and just speak those things aloud). I tried to imitate the other young wives in our church so that I would fit in and no longer lose friends because of my different preferences.

And then I wondered why, for the next 16 years, I was often unhappy.

Duh.

But then God began a work of recreating me, of remaking the fake Debra I had invented. And He showed me that all along He'd never aimed to turn me into some generic form of everybody else, but rather, He'd wanted to create something very unique. He desired to shine through me in unusual, even odd and different ways. He loved creativity. Invented it, even.

And how refreshing to just relax, be myself and stop apologizing for--or running from-- my uniqueness.

And then, five years later, God took me to the Land of Online and I was shocked, (yes shocked) to meet lots of other people so very like my real self! Here online, at 40, I found those people who I'd wished had gone to high school with me. If only I'd known all of you way back when, then I'd not have felt like such an odd character on the Stage of Life. I'd have felt comfortable in my own skin, as they say, if I'd been surrounded by such kindred spirits.

But you know? There's that 'all things work together for good' thing which God speaks of and--if my many mistakes helped carry me to this better, more confident place--well, that's not such a tragedy. Now I understand how other insecure people feel. I've felt their pain--and I can help guide them out of it. Or rather, God can, especially now that I am myself, no one else. He can more easily show His empathy through someone real, someone He recreated, from the basement upward, Himself.


**************


Jeremiah 1:5

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart..."


**************

Truth will set you free. God can easily do miracles when He finds Himself where truth is rampant.

7 comments:

Kim said...

Except we [the rest of the odd ducks] were busy doing the same things you were: trying hard to fit in, worrying we were the only ones who thought like that and there was something wrong with us.
We wouldn't have recognized each other or would have been too afraid to admit it if we had; teenager = lemming in most cases. There were/are a brave few, but I wasn't one of them.

We hadn't come "out" yet :)

I'm glad we "know" each other now.

Donetta said...

good morning
me too
so true so true
same things happened for me. unique scares folks a little
true face is a freedom most seam unable to handle.

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Debra~ I can so relate. I don't know if I could have put it into words back then but I know now that my "people pleasing" was my way of trying to fit in and may have done more harm than good. But I have finally decided to turn my life and my will over to God. Some days it is harder than others as the flesh wants - what it wants. But by God's Grace I stay the course.
I am so glad you allowed God to lead you..I SO enjoy your posts!
Lisa :O)

Pat said...

Nothing is as beautiful as being genuine...unless your genuine is not very nice..LOL!
Your genuine is very lovely...I wouldn't change a thing.
Being what we were created to be attracts others of the same personality. God's plan is the best!

Judy said...

Beautiful.

Laura said...

after watching the bit on frustration you linked to the other day, I watched a few more of the videos there. I can't remember if if was the frustration one or another one, but I really appreciated where Joyce Meyer says something along the lines of how she didn't give herself her personality, that God did and God is never going to make her into someone else's personality so she should just stop trying to be somebody else and be the somebody God created her to be.

I'm glad you're you, too!

2 Moms of a Feather...Stick Together said...

Debra,
Thanks for sharing yourself with us on your blog. 8-)
Take care,
Nancy
aka Mommy 2