Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I love your comments!

And I love learning from them. In fact, Kristi's comment was both enlightening at face value and other values as well. Here it is, in part:

"Do, do, rest! Not only are you doing all this unaccustomed work, but EVERYTHING you are seeing and thinking about is NEW. This is tiring. Your mind/brain needs down time to process it..."

Wow. That stuck to me like these pesky mosquitoes here on the farm. :)

There are so many different things filling my head out here. No wonder I often forget stuff, like where I placed important papers, the day of the week or when was the last time I changed the litter box. No wonder I can't seem to keep up with the cooking or the unpacking or the decorating or---

And no wonder Tom and I have been disagreeing a whole heck of a lot, too.

I mean, the past few years Tom and I have gotten along amazingly well. But hey! Probably that's because we'd wandered into such a well-worn, boring rut where we had every step memorized. Big surprise there--we'd taken those same ol', same ol' Life steps a kazillion times over. You'd have to be a moron not to have memorized the way.

But here in farmland! New decisions must be made every single day and whoa... our personality differences are gleaming through. They're waging a battle. Whose decision will be the chosen one? Whose decision is the wisest/most cost-efficient/most sensible one? (And where's all that money gonna come from??)

Man, we might as well be newlyweds, what with all the learning to live together in this new place. Though, ok, it's not as rough as when we were kids who got married young. We've grown-up a tad since then (I enjoy believing, anyway).

And perhaps portions of the problem stem from Tom's being left-handed and my being right-handed and this land's being a very physical place. You should see us try to lift and move furniture (or anything) around together. He grips it one way, I grip it another... he heads off in one direction, I head in the other.....

Well, sometimes whole days have felt like that.

But all this bickering is beginning to make major sense. We're fresh outside of our boringly safe, memorized rut! And out of that zombie mode, where you don't even really think, you just react like you always did before. But here--here--we must think clearly and we must think ahead, one reason being we don't wish to undo next year what we built (and paid for) this year.

And simultaneously, this new life is better, though tougher. This life is richer and more peaceful, though way more challenging. Some days are rougher than ever, some days are even more amazing than we dreamed when buying this place.

Yet thank-goodness--somewhere in our old rut we did learn to apologize quicker.... to crave peace and unity over being right... and to give in to the other person at least some of the time.

Thank God. Thank Heaven. For growing-up. For wisdom. For a whole lot of things.


Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Oh, Debra, this post made me smile. Paul and I had this problem, though ostensibly we were both right-handed. (But at least one of our kids was left-handed and I'm really ambidextrous.) I decided soon after trying to do certain types of work with Paul, that instinctively, we rotated in different directions and it was so like your description of what happens to you and Tom! I ended up doing all the wallpaper alone because it was so much easier than if we tried together. And Paul did most of the carpentry because it was easier for him that way, even if I occasionally could help with a specific task. Our marriage was so wonderful. We did learn to listen and respond to one another, and were probably lucky that the things that were important issues to one were not to the other. If both people have strong and opposite ideas about everything I can quite see it all becomes more challenging. But I know you and Tom will succeed in all you are doing together....My mother in law had made a pact with her husband when they married. Part of it was the often heard idea of not letting the sun go down on your anger. But they had a clever addition: it was the responsibility of the person who FELT HIM/HERSELF TO BE IN THE RIGHT to be the first to seek reconciliation. They knew at least one person would always feel that they were in the right.

Saija said...

leo's glass is half empty, mine is half full ... so discussions can be interesting!

i'm so glad that you have the maturity of heart to see the disagreements for what they are ... and the sense of humour to live to fight another day! *grin*

Storybook Woods said...

Akkkkk, I shudder to think of the huge cat fights David and I would have if we were ever in your position. I can not even think about it. Hang in there xoxoxo Clarice

Anonymous said...

i'm left handed. When, at the young age of 14, my mother tried to teach me to sew - it ended in both of us in tears. The pattern and way of cutting it was all upside down to me - and i use my right hand for scissors! i felt like if i could've been underneath the fabric...

Now looking back, i should've just cut it out against the 'patterned way' and it would've been ok...but in everything, even though i use my right hand for LOTS - most is backwards and up side down and i have to transpose it. So i can totally relate to that adding to the newness of it all.

If it's any consolation, just remember that at least Tom is always in his right mind!



Betsy Mc said...

So true! The ruts are safe and boring. I am adventurous- - -DH is not. I love color- - -he likes clean white walls. Compromise is the only way to go. Our dark hall is white, our sunwashed bathroom is blue. A little take/a lot of give and it does work out in the end.

Betsy Mc
PS: I and our daughters are lefties, DH is right-handed and he can't find a pair of scissors or ladle in our house that he can use. LOL