Nah, I Never Used to Worry

Years ago, if you asked me if I was a worrier, I'd have looked straight at you and said, "Nah, I hardly ever worry." 

Man, was I was clueless.

I'd make Tom's lunch for work in the mornings and then worry I'd not put enough food in it.

I'd tell Naomi good-bye and then worry about her walking to school alone.

I'd look at one of our cats, notice that he didn't have that Happy Cat look about him, and worry that he was sick.

If I wasn't dressed and made-up by 9:00, I'd worry that someone would knock at the door and see me looking like a wreck. And if the house wasn't straightened, I'd also worry that someone would come to the door and make that discovery.

I'd heat my breakfast in the microwave and worry about all those deadly rays seeping through the door (because, after all, I could smell the tomato sauce of my leftover spaghetti).

If the sun was shining through the windows, I'd worry that it would fade our couch.

If I'd written a letter to a friend and had not received a timely reply, I'd worry that I wrote something to offend her and now she despised me.

If I paid our bills that day, I'd worry about the low (non-existent?) balance left in our checkbook.

When it came time to make dinner, I'd worry that I'd not be able to think of something delicious to make before Tom arrived home from work.

Naomi was out in her car at night? I'd worry that she'd be in an accident or with whom she was spending time.


Sheesh. You go worrying like that a few years and then one day a voice inside says, "What a horrible way to live! If you don't stop it, you'll not only someday become sick, but you'll reach the end of your life having spoiled every single day. Is that what you want?"

Well, that's pretty much what I heard, anyway. And over time I realized, yes! Worrying, truly, was beating me down. 

And something strange--it felt almost like I was too tired to worry anymore. As though suddenly I saw all the energy it took to worry and I just no longer had it.

(Or something like that.)

And that was the day/month/year of new beginnings. Finally I began passing over my worries to God so He could worry for me. In my 40's now, I just didn't have the energy for worrying. Thank-goodness.

And that's what I remind myself now each day.  "Debra, you're older now and this worrying needs to stop. Let it go."

"Just let it go--and be free. And strong."



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