Friday, January 27, 2006
Well, It's Official...
... I used to worry about Naomi far too much. I know that now.
I can tell because, since she moved out of the house last March, my head feels lighter. So do my shoulders. And I've been more consistently happy than I ever remember being my whole life.
Now understand, I'm not saying that the happiness comes from no longer having Naomi here. No. Of all the thousands of days Naomi lived with us, the vast, vast majority were peaceful, sweet days. Only a fraction were the hard, stressful and uncomfortable days which only a teenager/20-something adult can make happen, like, in a split second, so broad-siding you that you never saw it coming.
No, what I'm saying is that this past nearly-a-year, I've driven around town feeling more peace than worry. Gone are the hours spent on my tip-toes at the front door window waiting for Naomi to come home, late. I've not waken in the mornings dreading a new snowfall because it meant the roads would be slick and Naomi would be driving over them. I've stopped worrying about her cats, her car, her bills and her soap-opera life.
Well, mostly. (I am still her mother, of course.)
All during those years, God convicted me about worrying about Naomi... He reminded me that worry contains fear, and fear brings torment. He told me to let go...let go.... let go... And I tried... and tried.... and tried... But just as I worried less, there would come a new test--a new situation where my trust would be stretched and yanked so far--so far--that I'd even get a bit perturbed with God about those stupid Worry Tests and their frequency.
Let me tell you--it's a complete waste of your life to get mad at God. He knows what He's doing. He's not clueless. We are, though.
But like I said, peace and radical contentment now fill the space previously rented by worry. And I was reminded of that when I read this an hour ago:
"In the spiritual (as in the material) world there is no empty space, and as self, and fear and worries depart out of your life, it follows that the things of the Spirit, that you crave so, rush in to take their places." (From the book, God Calling.)
Exactly. We can't have it both ways and I officially know that now. We can't have lots of worry with lots of peace.... lots of distrust with lots of contentment... lots of fear with lots of joy...
And when God consistently nags us about letting things go, He is only trying to do us a great big favor. He's trying to throw out the old stuff to make room for the new.
And happy is the person who gets that.