Thursday, January 12, 2006

Of Winter and Surgeries

Tomorrow Tom will have surgery done on his shoulder.

In the eons we have been married, Tom has had two other surgeries, both on the back of his neck. Tom had the first surgery on Naomi's 7th birthday--that's how I can remember it took place in January. The other surgery, four years ago, took place, I believe, in early February of 2002.

Winter is not a good time to have surgery. Well, in a way it is--there's less going on, at least in our little world where, when the snow flies, people hibernate inside their homes. Sometimes we even have forced hibernation when the snow gets really, really bad and the newsmen announce you will be ticketed if the police see you driving--or trying to drive, anyway-- anywhere.

But I'm rambling... What I want to say is that this time, with this surgery, everything feels different. I mean, I feel different. Usually this time of year feels more like 'Januweary' and my face is pressed against the window glass to absorb any little puny, weak ray of sun peeking through grey snow clouds. Usually I am already counting down days until Spring... whining in my diary about how bleak the bare trees and yards appear... and dreading all the weeks ahead when I will be worrying my brains out my ears each time Tom or Naomi are out driving on slick roads.

But not this year. Something has changed. Oh, the changes haven't come--poof!--all just this week. No, they began a few years ago when I stopped relying on everything and everybody outside of me to make me happy. Boy, was life one long teeter-totter ride during those first 44 years or so (hey... these things take time...don't laugh.).

Now, instead of acting like an emotional vacuum cleaner trying to suck up any and all emotional charges from pats on the back and people telling me I'm special... and all the little boosts you get from having enough friends and money and appreciation... Now I get out of bed in the mornings for just one reason--because God is good. And because He is good, it's going to be a good day inside of me no matter what happens on the outside of me....whether the sun shines her beautiful face, or she hides it.

That's it. When God finally moved up my own personal list of favorite people (it took me a real, real long time to put Him there), that's when my life became good. So good, in fact, that even now I can say that January and February are good months, too.

And this January is still going to be a good month even though Tom is having surgery tomorrow and will miss 4 weeks from work and I will have to do everything for him because he won't be allowed to use his left arm (and of course, he would have to be left-handed...). It's still going to be a great winter.

And really, you don't know what a personal miracle it is for me to say that.

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