Saturday, January 14, 2006

Oh, The Stress of It All...


So there I was in the sauna-like waiting room all day yesterday while Tom had surgery on his arm. I wrote little descriptive blog posts in my head to you while sitting at a little Bistro table in the window drinking the free coffee(!) spiked with my cappucino powder which I carry in my large Mary Engelbreit bag for such occasions. It's rather like a kid bringing along her book bag stuffed with toys and snacks.

Anyway, I sat there and I could feel your prayers--I was so grateful for them and I do thank each of you who prayed for Tom. Truly, it made the whole ordeal a bit easier, especially when the surgeon came out and said he'd found more torn ligaments and cartilage than he'd seen in the x-rays, but he'd been able to, as far as he could tell, repair the whole big mess.

But then I brought Tom home.

It was deja vu of his neck surgery four years ago, you know, the part where every minute he needs me to do three things for him all at one time (while the cats need to be fed and Lennon needs his insulin shot and I need to run to the store for ice for the little ice machine, see below), and the stress makes me feel as though I'm in an episode of 24 where every decision is a split-second one and if you mess-up, the world will be destroyed--and it will be all my fault.

Well, it feels a little like that, anyway. And there's the fun of being wakened by the bell he's shaking every three hours in the moonlight hours because he needs medicine which means he needs me to prepare something for him to eat,too--always interesting to be in my kitchen at 2 a.m.... Or he needs me to walk him to the restroom... And there's the need to add ice and water to the handy little ice machine he's hooked up to (an extremely annoying and complicated little contraption which hates me already and fights so I cannot close it's lid...long story)... All of this while my head is throbbing from being wakened out of a sound sleep full of crazy dreams which do not make sense.

Yep, deja vu of four years ago... But you know? It's ok. It's all done for the man I love and at least he is still here with me... It's only for a season and besides, it's only these first two or three days and long nights which will be rough. And someday, this too, will be just a memory as the other surgeries now are.

I'm glad I learned years ago to view my life according to its current seasons. To realize, this too shall pass...nothing lasts forever, so I need to let that encourage me when it's something bad and be ok with it when it when it involves something good. Tomorrow is always another day filled with it's trials, but mostly with it's good parts... and it's the good parts I need to be awake to today and appreciate so that when tomorrow comes, I'll have few regrets because I splashed around in all the goodness and missed none of it...

...So that on no future day will I say, "I should have appreciated my life while it didn't appear amazing but was, in reality, quite amazing, indeed."

***
P.S. I'd keep adding to this, but I've gotta run and wash the dishes which are piling up faster in my sink than the snow outside, snow which I will later shovel out of our driveway...

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