Monday, July 13, 2009

I've not been in Blogland awhile because, well, I've felt a bit pensive and reclusive. The ol,' 'I wanna be a hermit' thing has buzzed inside my head again. 

Just a phase, don't worry.

I remembered the old days when I almost never could find anyone with whom to share thoughts like those you find here in my blog. Most other people only wanted to chat about surface stuff from the tops of their heads, not from the bottoms of their hearts.

For a couple years there in Nevada I even despised the thought of small-talk and I'd stay silent, (at church, especially), rather than take part in silly, going-nowhere conversations.

But I lightened up (as a sane person should) and learned to do the small-talk thing. It was either that or spend tons of time standing in corners, talking with no one. And I learned to appreciate the very few people (two or three?) in my life who enjoyed speaking from their heart the deeper things.

And then in July of 2004 I discovered blogging! 

Nearly 5 years ago I suddenly found a means by which to speak from my heart to anyone who chose to listen. It was like finally writing a book to explain myself and share what I believed God wanted to say through me, without requiring the acceptance of some picky, non-understanding editor. And ever since, I've never begrudged anyone in my 'real life' for their tendencies to do small-talk if that's where they are. Blogging has met my need to release what always bubbled-up within me, some of it since I was just a teenager. And oh, how good that feels.

Mostly. Yet last week I thought, "You know? Sometimes I miss keeping my thoughts to myself and just hugging them close within the special rooms I've chosen or while taking walks. I miss having new thoughts--or experiences-- without automatically forming them into concrete sentences so I can later include them in my blog."

Sometimes I just want to think and hear and listen without feeling I must share it all here.

And actually? I believe God was simply reminding me to treasure the time He and I have alone, to appreciate what He gives me, and then--afterward-- just allow Him to direct me in what I share here, rather than feel I must share every bit.

Some thoughts are not meant to be shared either at all, or not until farther down the lane after they've been meditated upon and sifted.

And so I think all this wanting to keep some thoughts for myself was a simple reminder to relax, to not feel pressure to form those 'instant sentences' inside my head and to just enjoy God and Life. 

And write about them only when The Spirit moves.


"Meditate upon these things; give yourself wholly to them; that your profiting may appear to all." 1 Timothy 4:15


"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength."



Dolores said...

Great post Debra. I know how you feel. I have a tendency to tell all to everyone, and sometimes I just want to be quiet and keep it to my self. I think I will take a page from your book and let God tell me what to talk about. Dolores

Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

"...without automatically forming them into concrete sentences so I can later include them in my blog."

Ahhh yes. Looking on life, as topics for our blog. Eeeeeeeeeek. :-)

Glad you took a step back and pondered. Sometimes this is the hardest thing to do. Taking that step back and pondering. I'm there now.

Comments turned off in my main blog, since I'm not reading/commenting in others, as is my usual way.

After the break, I may return to more usual blogging. Or, I may not. :-) I'll listen to 'inside me,' and know...

Gentle hugs,
Aunt Amelia

David Warren Fisher said...

My feelings exactly, Debra! My heart resonates with yours on these matters.

Be encouraged today. When you DO share your deep thoughts they are read and appreciated by this fellow pilgrim.

Kep pressing on, dear friend!

Andylynne said...

I can identify with you wanting to
hide and keep to your self. It happens to me from time to time. Sometimes I'm tempetd to blurt out just about anything and that's not always good,hmmm could be dangerous too :) So reflecting on what we say and share and dream is a lesson in progress for me. As much as I love blogging, I do know there is no substitue for people and places that warm the hart. I think that's why so many bloggers, and e-mail buddies end up meeting in person.
God bless you and your little piece of heaven on earth.

Rodney Olsen said...

Another great post.

As for the small talk versus the big ideas, I generally find that the small talk is where conversation starts. It's where we start to feel comfortable in conversation, testing the waters, before we go deeper.

Unfortunately some people stay in the shallows and never venture further.

I'm more than happy to engage in small talk in the hope that it will lead somewhere. My blog mixes elements of 'small talk' with far deeper issues. I want my readers to feel comfortable with the conversation but to be ready to dive a little deeper when it's appropriate.

joy said...

I could write several paragraphs on this topic. Perhaps not just this minute. I would like to say this though.
If you haven't read "Eat Pray Live", you should get in your car and go get it today.

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I could have written this post! :)

But, of course, that is what you are talking about since through blogging we find likeminded people we can't (or it is difficult) face to face.

Myrna said...

Well always!! ;-)