Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Taking Anti-Nagging 101 Again

Oh! Since moving to Hobbit Cottage my passions have all happily resurrected themselves.

I find I'm passionate about:

Spending time with God
Encouraging others through writing in this blog
Searching for online coupons, supermarket shopping for great deals
Emailing friends and those who need encouragement
Reading for pleasure
Learning new things, especially how to live cheaply, though well.
Decorating, keeping a neat house
Finding favorite tv shows/movies/documentaries online
Cooking while listening to my new favorite retro radio music station

But Tom? What's he passionate about here at Hobbit Cottage?

Watching tv

Gah. That's it.

Oh my, do you know how frustrating it is when I (me, me, me), the Great Inspiration Spreader, can't inspire her own husband to get up off his recliner?

I've heard people say, "Oh, it was so humbling when my students nominated me for Teacher of the Year." But do you know what's a whole lot more humbling than that? It's when you spend months nagging your own husband and sending him inspiring email links and lecturing, psycho-analyzing, and sharing all sorts of pep talks only to have God tell you, "Uh, Debra... Have you noticed none of this is working?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lord. I noticed. I know, I know.

So once again, God's telling me to back-off. To lose the constant low-grade frustration. To remember that I'm not to be my husband's teacher and to put Tom in God's hands, trust God with him there, then just continue along my merry way with my own passions. Because hey, living what you preach is the most powerful thing on Earth, especially if there's love involved. And it is love that's, ultimately, making me want to see Tom reach his full potential. But nagging him into that full potential? Nah, that will not work.  God will see to that.

"Just live the life, yourself. Live it, live it, live it. Inspire by doing... and trust. Trust much."

Yeah, Lord, I know. But, like, please help me remember that for more than just two days in a row, ok? :)


In case you're wondering, Tom seems perfectly happy and contented to watch tv for a living, yet he also agrees with me whenever I try to coach him to do other things (the man knows how to avoid an argument). I tell him if I could just see him trying to find a passion, I'd feel better.


"The Lord frustrates the plans of the nations (and well-meaning housewives...heh...) and thwarts all their schemes."   ... Psalm 33:10


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Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Maybe as the days slowly lengthen and you want to spend more time outside, Tom will feel better. Perhaps this time which seems as if he is doing nothing is an important healing time for him.

Meanwhile, the two of you are in a much better place now than you were in the too big farm place and you are getting your energy back....

Debra said...

Kristi--yeah, I've thought about the healing time thing and I know we are both doing that. But it concerns me that his world has become so small for the last **16 months**, actually, ever since he was laid-off. Sixteen months feels like such a long, long time for healing, yet of course, we all have our own time schedules inside of us. Sigh. ...Debra

Rita said...

Years ago every day after work my dad hit the chair after work and only watched tv until bedtime. Other than having supper at the table. We kept thinking well...he use to like to do things. Even go to the local cafe for coffee. Over time we realized he was not well. So glad we did not push to hard. This does not mean your husband is sick. I just wanted to share our story.

Sara said...

Of course, you know I would never giggle. However, I have a husband who is also, ahem, immune to my wisdom. You'd think after almost 30 years together, I'd tire of saying (not at all sarcastically), "Hey, why not try reading a book now and again?" Alas.

Tracy said...

Debra, I love your blog because you are so REAL! :)

When my husband is home & comes in from work, he watches tv until bedtime. Weekends he likes to do stuff, but there is still alot of tv watching. That's just who he is and I try not to complain...much! ;)

Mary said...

Be careful what you wish for....he may revive his passion for old tractors! Thanks for keeping it real and making me smile.

Saija said...

had to chuckle at mary's comment!

... and tv watching ... sigh ... that is about all leo is able to do with his disability - he does read his devotions and the bible ... but? so i know how you feel about that ... what leo trys to do is get me to watch all the shows with him that he finds interesting - which i don't ... sigh ... now there's a great 'Lord i promise not to pray for anymore patience again' moment!!!! cause you know, when you pray for patience, things can get really aggravating! *grin*


Anonymous said...

Maybe Tom was used to the structure of work and then. ....it was gone. Maybe he is a bit lost knowing what to do to fill the hours. ...and between you and the fence post...I KNOW how you feel!!!! I think there are many of us after reading comments!! :) The tv is like background music for my life any more...and does it have to be so loud?? :) In a one floor home there is no where to get away from it! Ahhh,.... too bad we can't live without them.....Bless their little pea picking hearts.... Sarah

Anonymous said...

The TV used to be on from morning till bedtime when hubby was home. I watched some too (too much, but not so much too much as he and the kids did). Then we moved REMOTE for 40 months, due to the job. Before we moved, we agreed NOT to spend mucho $$$ to get satellite hookup. It was hard "going cold turkey", and we bought a lot of videos for our daughter. And now, though we have lived near enough town the last almost 9 years, to get TV again, we have not. We watch too much when on vacation in motels...so we know we cannot. Hang in there Debra and pray over this problem. I prayed over it for years. God can with time, and prayer, change the desires of hubby's heart.

Maybe after working in the hard work environments of today, it will take quite a long time for your hubby to feel like a hobby. Mine retires soon so we shall see. However he already loves to study Scripture even tho reading is not easy for him. And he hopes we can learn a language after he retires and I will do my best to also go along with that!! Remains to be seen if we can do that!!
Blessings, Elizabeth in NC

Anonymous said...

Back again..I am blog illiterate so I have no idea how those links are assigned to come up at the bottom of each post but they sure are usually in turn with the present post. The one from 11-22-10 It Was a Control Issue Thing After All. Postscript you had in it is related to today. And to me. Also on another note sure loved rereading 11-1-11 one Perhaps It was Mostly the Feelings, After All. I needed to read this again..Thanks. I just got a thought. Lets see...we let/want God to lead us where to go and how to do it. Why do we think WE have to lead our hubbies??? A light bulb moment for me. I knew this but did I know this? Guess I am just too impatient waiting. I sure am glad God waits for me....:) :) Am I making and sense? Sarah

Anonymous said...

Sorry I reread your post again and see you went through this same thought already. Saying it much better than I ever could. I was reading the post earlier today it seemed with only one eye or ear..or something and later tonight while mauling over the thoughts of hubbie forgot that part. Lesson learned...reread posts before commenting!!! Now to follow what I read and realized too. That is the hard part. Sorry again...Sarah

a8383 said...

Oh Debra that just cracks me up. I think our husbands must be related. I tell Ken he will NEVER get to retire ( I am his only hobby) or he will be a Walmart greater! Angela