Loving Him First

Ten Christmasses ago, I gave one of my own copies of an Alexandra Stoddard book to a friend from church. 

We both loved the same kinds of decorating styles and enjoyed sharing creative ideas, so I thought she'd enjoy this book. I even inscribed it to her in my customary blue ink.

Three weeks after Christmas, she returned the book to me.

I asked her, "Didn't you like it?" She answered, "I liked it too much." And as we sat alone in the church auditorium, she explained that God was doing some important work in her heart and she felt if she kept the book, it would become a distraction to her.

Okay, now it felt weird and awkward to be given back a Christmas present which I'd given someone else. That had never happened to me before (nor since). And yet, in the midst of such an uncomfortable thing, I totally understood where she was coming from. That was one of those years when God was rearranging everything--cleaning house Big Time-- inside my own heart, also.

That incident came to mind as I thought about all of you, my kindred spirits, today as I read your encouraging comments about our upcoming move and pondered over all the encouragement and friendship you've shown me since I began this blog.

What do they have to do with one another? If I'd have had a blog 20 years ago (or 15, or even 10), I would have loved it too much. All of you would've meant way too much to me and your kind words? Oh my, I'd have clung to and memorized each one.

I know because for many years I wrote snail mail letters, sometimes 1,000 per year (yes, seriously) in a vain attempt to get from people what only God, Himself, could provide me. Always a solitary, homebody person, this whole Blogland adventure would have proven too grand of a dream come true--and hurled my heart even farther away.

So first, God had to change me on the inside. To fill me up with Himself so I'd not be starving for appreciation from people. 

And even now sometimes I need to be reminded why I'm even keeping a blog--because it's a ministry to you, not to me. Because it's done out of obedience rather than a wild ride careening for attention. 

And when I take a break? Sometimes it's just God making certain He's still first and that I could leave this blog if He asked me to.

And I'm okay with that. I'm loving following the one who gives me more peace than anything else ever, ever could.



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Mark 12:30
"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment."


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