They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion. ... Psalm 84:7
I practically spent my teenage years inside city libraries. Always I've loved those places where I could wander amongst towering shelves, stepping back and back into the room's corners, as though through a maze, pretending I had entered a whole other world, different than my current real one. Which of course, in a way, I had.
After I married, I still loved libraries and the escape they afforded me. Same way after Naomi's birth and on and on until around 2009 when we lived on the farm and the town library proved to be quite small. Though that wasn't it, the smallness, which zapped my love for public libraries.
The love just stopped. Dribbled away. The having to return my books by a certain date proved annoying to my head, or something. The search for enchanting, morally-decent books along those dusty shelves became something I just didn't want to do. I seldom had use of our car so I couldn't drive to the library often--and when I did walk that one mile--I'd always be hot and tired by the time I reached home with my heavy bag of books.
Then we moved to Hobbit Cottage and I showed you the amazing town library we now live near, this one a mile away, also, and it truly is the library of my dreams. There's that ancient feeling and a room of books for sale and rooms flooded with natural light and the smell of nostalgia and even old jail cells leftover from an earlier time(!) Truly, it's a magical place.
But I never go there anymore. For me, the magic isn't powerful enough to drag me there. For whatever reasons, I now prefer ordering best-loved books online and those on my kindle cloud reader (171 free books so far) and, most of all, I adore my own tiny library at the top of the stairs.
Of course, I've wondered about this huge change. I've asked myself why--for forty years--libraries enchanted me, but now, they're, like, eh. Whatever. Zzzzz.
And my answer? I've changed.
That's it. The simple answer is that losing my love of libraries is yet one more of the changes I've experienced on this road called Growing Up or Growing Old or just Growing. However you wish to put it, it's a real road and affects us all in vastly different (and many of the same) ways.
And I guess I just want to say today that if you've heard that--when you no longer love to do what you enjoyed for decades, then you're probably depressed--well, that might be true. But it's only a might, not a definitely. For perhaps, instead, you're just growing-up into the person God intended you to be, a person who has had to let go of some lesser things so to become more.
And that's ok. Really. When God leads us into a time of change, it's a sign He's ready to lead us into more--and His kind of more is always a Good Thing.