Thursday, August 27, 2009

Heh. I had to smile when I received no comments from my last post. People have a hard time dealing with honesty, mine or theirs. I've noticed that for the last, well, forever, especially among church people. We'd all rather put on our bright, shiny faces and pretend. I get that. I just don't enjoy the game as much as I used to and so, every once in awhile, I insert a post which tells it like it really is--or at least hints at how it really is. And it's freeing and cathartic.

And yet there is one thing I know for certain: I dare not camp out at the bad places. I must not become comfortable in the gloom, lest I dig myself in so deep that it will take not only God, Himself, to dig me out, but Time and therapy and barrels of caffeine and a whole truckload of Christians. And I so do not want that. Personally? Personally I want to stay, to live, so sensitive to God that I go no deeper into sadness than He can yank me out in a day or so.

So that requires dealing with things when they come and facing truth about myself. Dealing with my awful attitudes or moods or habits and not letting them take up permanent residence upon my back like proverbial monkeys. And dealing with those things means becoming brutally honest with myself and not whispering excuses, handing them to God and expecting Him to say, "Poor ol' Debra," and allowing me to lounge around in months-long pity parties. He loves me too much for that and has plans for me to help others and how can I help others if I so desperately need help myself?

Hence the sensitivity thing--sensitivity to His voice encouraging me to get over it, move on and move forward or to seek help and information as to what's happening inside my head. The rough-sounding, but so crucial stuff. Always He loves me too much to allow me keel over in some sort of permanent pity wilt. And He wants to love others through me, too, so it behooves me to let Him pull me up quickly--not after a month or year or decade--but after just a day or two. The less time I give myself to dig deep pits, the better for me, for Him, for you.


Life is too wonderful and God is too powerful for me to waste weeks and weeks spinning around in a deep, dark pit.


Anonymous said...

Dear Debra, I actually really enjoyed your last post. I could really identify with your feelings. I think you are way to hard on yourself. Maybe we just need a big dose of crisp fall air to bring us out of our misery. Hang in there. Dolores

Myrna said...

Well, I, for one, did not comment yesterday because I didn't read it yesterday! Had a busy day and didn't get to visit many blog friends. If I had~ I would've written this:
Sigh. I know how you feel,Debra. I'm experiencing the same feelings myself. And ,at 51, I think "Again? I'm going thru this lesson AGAIN?" And God says "Yep! I want you to remember that you are never going to have it all together until you're home with ME! I want you to remember that you are to be dependant on ME."

This morning I read Palsms 37. And had to underline and re-read several verses. It encouraged me greatly. I don't want to tell you which verses I underlined, but want to challenge you to read it too and see which verses God uses to speak to you.
Keep being yourself, Debra. Keep it real. Just because there are no comments doesn't mean you're not ministering to people.
Love you!

lisa said...

hehe actually I chuckled at your post yesterday and had written one a bit similar a couple of days ago. I haven't been commenting alot because my good computer is dead and I'm typing on a laptop that is soooo slooowwwww. This being human is not for the faint of heart. :) I'm always grateful for how real you are...the good, the bad and the aggravated about mowers in corners. lol

Annie @ The View from 256 said...

Hi Debra:

I'm with Myrna...I hadn't read it yet. I thought the blog entry was refreshing in its honesty. I appreciated your posting it.

In yet another strange similarity, I have the exact red, metal cookbook holder with the fleur de lis. I use it to hold copy I'm working on for computer input. I've set up a new office in my kitchen and will include my cookbook holder in a blog entry soon.

The View from 256