"Teach me your ways, oh Lord..."
You probably didn't know I once lived in the state of Confusion. I was big on on knowing things ahead of time and figuring everything out for myself and planning, arranging and being thought of as smart.
What a burden.
Instead of just deciding to go supermarket shopping, I'd think, "If I get there early, there will be fewer people. But wait! The workers won't have had time to re-stock the shelves if I go too early. Now, if I go later, I can get some housework done around here first, but I really wanted to make dinner early and I'd need groceries because the cupboards are bare. So when should I go buy groceries??"
(Can you say, "Complicating the simplest thing on Earth?")
If I broke something around the house I'd try figuring out when would be the best time to tell Tom. Right away? Tomorrow? Someday when he was in a good mood? Next month? Or just wait until he discovered it for himself?
If a friend didn't speak to me at church I'd wonder, "Did I do something wrong? Did I forget her birthday or anniversary or did I promise to do something and then not follow through? Could she be mad at what I said to her over the phone last week? Or did she just not see me today?"
(Whatever happened to just asking?)
There were whole years my entire life was like that. And I wondered why I didn't have any peace. Duh.
Now? I want God's ways, not mine. I want to know what He thinks I should do. I so don't want to figure things out--I just want to hear from Him.
There's a kind of pride in wanting to figure things out for myself. If I do get it right, then I can be a little proud of myself for doing so. As in, "*I* figured out what's going on. *I* saw what was actually happening... what God/others were thinking/doing/saying. No one else had to tell me, no, I put the pieces together all by myself."
There is no glory going to God in that *I* stuff. No, for me, there's only headaches and worry while trying to reason-out the future and trying to read people's minds. And complicating what was never meant to be complicated.
With this whole potential move to Richmond in the next few months, I could be making myself crazy if I wished. I could be trying to figure out how this will all go. When will this house sell? What if it doesn't sell? What if we have to rent something in Richmond awhile? And what if, while we're renting, all the best houses get sold?"
What if? What if? What if?
But I already lived in that state of Confusion. I refuse to return. Instead, I am choosing to listen to the One who knows all... the One with all the wisdom I'll ever need... and I'll leave all the headaches to Him.
1 Corinthians 14:33
"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..."