Friday, March 30, 2007

Away From The Shores of Mommy Land

I remember which year certain things happened by how old Naomi was at the time. I believe she was 19 when I found myself driving home from church one afternoon, thinking about the young moms I'd just watched. They'd all seemed a happy kind of tired and seemingly oblivious to everything except for their children and diapers and playgroups and laundry. I'd remembered my own days and years like those, though with only one child, I never seemed too lost and preoccupied in deep, foggy Mommy Land. Perhaps just the first two years and here and there afterward.

But mostly I've always been a thinker and a dreamer and a watcher of people peopling my little world. And being annoyingly organized, I've usually had much time to think. Usually too much time, so much so, that I'd sometimes purposely get up late, set aside my organized ways, and just do everything the hard way--simply to use up time so I wouldn't have to think so much around the house.

Anyway. Driving down the street that day while remembering those busy, happily-harried mothers, I recall thinking, "Just wait. Someday they'll all have time to think. Someday their days will not be all laid out ahead of time for them with feeding babies and driving children to school and hurriedly running errands so that they can put the babies down for naps, clean house and make dinner before their husbands arrive home.

Someday, like me, they would have days and hours on their hands to think about who they have become, or not become, where they have been, or not been, where they are going, or not going. And what it all means.

Except, I know how it often goes. Often the women left behind in empty nests look around them and panic. The Silence haunts them and so do the questions they never had the time or energy to ponder before. And so, instead of facing those echoless walls and growing into someone new--someone not defined by their children or motherhood--they go back to school. Or return to work. Or find other ways to surround themselves by crowds and noise so they can continue to evade the questions. And escape that Silence.

No, not every woman does that. But some do. I have watched them.

I guess my only point is there is something amazing waiting for those who face the questions and the Silence with courage. Those who will not back down, cower, on the days when God's voice seems less than a whisper, but instead, will just press-in a little closer to hear Him better.

It's there where answers to those nagging questions can be found. In Him. It's there where silence becomes a friend, a comrade-- not a feared enemy. It's there, in Him, where a woman finds who she really is outside of Mommy Land... and that there are all sorts of lands across the sea left to discover.

Note: I'm not saying jobs and schooling aren't good things. They are when they're given as direction during the Silence and not used as avoidance of it.

Just a clarification.

" quietness and in confidence shall be your strength..." ... Isaiah 30:15

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