Sunday, December 31, 2006

Just Who's In Charge Here?

The sun is--finally-- shining through my (spotty) windows this morning! For far too many mornings and long afternoons the sun hid behind clouds all November and December (it seems). I never remember such an endless stretch of grey, still, quiet days (not the nice kind of quiet, but the eerie kind).

So in the midst of all these so-grey-I-can't-stand-it days, I've found myself having to keep my hands firmly on the reigns of my emotions, or else, they'll jump and swish! Fly off into the night all helter-skelter, willy-nilly, careening into ditches on both sides of the road of Life.

I cringe when I speak of emotions and feelings here in my blog. Some people live and die by their right to make their emotions king, to picket for their right to be way up then way down. But not me. No, been there, done that years ago and now in my late 40's I'd rather follow wisdom, the Bible and God's still, small voice. I'd rather try staying on that level path David spoke of in Psalms (a full-time job, that one).

For it's those which lead me to the all the best places in town and in my head and in my heart, and well, to all the best places anywhere. I mean, my changeable feelings whisper things like this:

"Now, you'd better stay home and not go driving anywhere. You might get in an accident."

"Ah, go ahead and eat that whole pie/cake/carton of ice cream/ huge bowl of spaghetti. You deserve it after what you've been through."

"After what that person said to you, you have every right to stay angry at them and to send them a mean note like the one they sent you."

"Oh, it won't hurt to procrastinate writing that email/doing that laundry/taking those walks just a few days more. Who really cares? Just take the week off. Maybe two."

Well, that list is endless, believe me.

No, I want to be the kind of person who makes clear, precise decisions with her head and heart according to what is right, not according to how she just happens to feel at the moment. According to, like I said, wisdom from God. He's got a certain place where He wants me to be standing at the end of my days when He scoops me up and I want to arrive at that place right on time, knowing full well Who got me there--and Who had to give me extra nudges, especially on strings of dreary, grey days.

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