Wednesday, December 20, 2006

How To Fake Having a Memory

I am becoming an expert at giving the impression that I actually have a memory left. I've had to, because I think I lost my memory, oh, around age 44. (I can't remember for sure...heh...). So in case any of you have also dropped your memory somewhere along Life's Road, here are some hints to help you pretend you've got the same memory you once had:

1. Whenever you go shopping anywhere, always park in generally the same area of the parking lot. That way, when you come back outside from the store, you won't be searching for your car in such a huge area, but rather, a small one.

2. When you have two things to do at once, always choose the thing you're most likely to forget. For example, if I need to 1.) feed my cats or 2.)take the laundry out of the washing machine down in the basement, I would first choose the laundry. There's no way I'm going to forget to feed my cats--they won't let me forget--but I'd be quite likely to forget the laundry.

3. Keep lists and pens in every room of your house and even in your car (or your purse) to jot down all those things which come to mind at the oddest times. Refer often to those lists.

4. Try to keep a series of routines going so that much of what you do will simply be a result of habit, rather than using the few memory cells you have left.

5. Take at least one fish oil (omega fatty acid) capsule each day. That is, if you can remember to take one.

6. If you can't afford one of those little hand-held computerized substitutes for a memory, get a free Yahoo email account and use the calendar feature. You can program it to send you emails to remind you of everything from remembering people's birthdays to appointments or tv shows, paying bills or taking your vitamins (see #5 above).

7. Never tell yourself blithely, "Oh, I'll remember that. No need to write it down."

8. Never walk out of a room where you've left the water running in a sink.

9. Only have two places--or at the most three--where you set down things like your keys, eyeglasses, billfold or purse. That way you're searching in only 2 or 3 places for them, rather than tearing through every room in the house.

10. Discover clever little ways of avoiding calling people by their names when you've forgotten what they are.

11. Ask God to remind you of anything you may be forgetting. He never forgets anything--or anyone.

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