Monday, February 16, 2009
Yesterday our sky was bright with sun so in the afternoon I threw on Tom's jacket by the kitchen door then sloshed around our yard. I picked up dead branches and some boards flung outside our new garage, boards which had messed with the whole chi and feng shui whatever outside our kitchen window. (Note to self: next Autumn make sure the yard is picked up before the snow flies.)
I slid through some mud and wandered behind the barn to the Bunny Pasture where I'll create my Secret Garden--or start to, anyway--this Spring. Man, it's a huge area back there. And here I told Tom I want to do all the work myself. Hmm. I may rethink that.
Or not. I don't know... It sounds exciting to work on a project so beyond my own capabilities--not so that I can say "I did it all myself" (though that may be part of it, I confess). But rather, if the scribbled dream inside my brain becomes reality, well, it will require a miracle and miracles are all about God. And I like being involved in projects which are all about Him.
But the worst thing that can happen? The worst thing would be for me to become overwhelmed and afraid of the whole huge project. Becoming overwhelmed and fearful is like inviting your body to become paralyzed.. There are times and places and seasons for certain projects in my life and if I looked back over my shoulder twenty years from now and saw no memories of this garden when I had the chance and strength to create it, well, that would be a tragedy. It would not be Tom's fault or God's or the neighbors' or the Times'. No, the fault would be mine, especially if God and Grace were standing there waiting at the gate with my supplies and strength.
Sometimes to get over fear we must simply just do the thing we fear. To step past overwhelmingness we must take first steps, even tiny ones. But stopping (before God says stop) will always lead to something sad. Someday.
I am learning to do today what I can do, for those things will lead to a better future. A future without regrets, one with the right memories and one with everything I need because I listened to--and obeyed--Him who knows what's looming ahead. Fear, though, can mess all that up. By obeying fear I will whine instead of shine in the years to come.
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven..." ... Ecclesiastes 3:1
..." it's the joy of the Lord which is my strength..."
"I would have missed out on so many things in Life if I had not simply done them." Ann Kiemel Anderson