Keeping Up

I had an epiphany tonight.

Sometimes I hear from various old friends after months or years and they'll tell me about all the changes in their lives. They'll go on and on Christmas form-letter style, brag--...er.... rejoicing about...

their new jobs,
or how their whole family is on fire for God
or all the vacations they've taken
or how their church is growing, etc., etc.

Nearly always, those types of reports have triggered funny feelings in me. Not funny-funny, but funny-uncomfortable. Something which sticks to me like a burr for days, when what I really want is to just feel happy for those folks like the Bible says I should.

Over and over, I've asked myself if it's a matter of jealousy on my part, but after some soul-searching I usually realize, no--that's not it, exactly. I mean, I don't want a new job... I love my family just the way they are (though we can always stand to change and grow in certain areas)... I love the simple, no-frills vacations Tom and I take, etc... And yet I'd still go around wishing I knew why those reports made me feel downcast.

But now I think I know why. It's more a matter of letting those glowing reports make me feel like I am not keeping up. Rather like "not keeping up with the Jones'", except that it's not about things and stuff --it's about deeper issues. Not keeping up with spiritual growth, maybe. Growth which appears to have happened overnight in my friends, yet it took years for them just as it takes years for me. But my mind forgets to inform me that I've not heard from these people in years.

I think I've been guilty of this verse, even though I've always considered it one of the Bible's most important warnings:

"...but they... comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." 2 Corinthians 10:13

This whole thing is weird because I know better. I've heard lessons on this stuff and even taught messages on it, myself. But here is the crux of the matter--my friends' glowing reports test my deepest layers of insecurity which have not yet been dealt with by God. Almost like they come along to stir up a bunch of sediment in the bottom of a glass--and I am the glass. Much of that ugly stuff has been dealt with, yet there is more left to examine, confess and let go of so that it will not spill over into all my relationships, making me an insecure, uptight whiner.

My desire is to be a rejoicer with those who are rejoicing about God's goodness to them.

All in God's timing, of course. He doesn't want me working on what He is not currently working on in me. And as long as I'm cooperating with Him, the work will always be done at just the right time. And I so desire God's timing on everything.

Hopefully, this all makes sense to you. Really, I hope it does, because seeing this for myself makes me feel great. It shows me how far I've come and gives me hope that God will take me the rest of the way--all in His perfect timing.

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"Rejoice with those who rejoice..." Romans 12:15

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