"To obey is better than sacrifice..."
****Back in the old days, some of you told me I should publish a hold-in-your-hand book, and well, I appreciated your wanting me to do so. Truly. And recently another round of, "Why won't you publish a book?" has started again.
But here's the thing. Whenever I go and ask God,"Should I write a book?" all I hear are crickets. Just the sound of crickets.
Ok, sometimes I hear a wispy, faraway, "Not right now. Maybe someday."
Of course, I could blast past God and Grace and force together a book, receive a ton of rejection letters, keep trying, then maybe find an agent who'd work a miracle and find a publisher (on a slow day) who'd take the risk and then I'd have to fly away from my home to meet with her in a city (I hate flying and all its hassles, I hate leaving my home, I hate cities) while feeling horribly out of place and so unlike the real me.
Then if the book was published, I'd be made to, alone, fly around to strange cities (did I mention I hate flying and cities?) for mandatory, we-own-you-now book signings in too-warm bookstores with recycled air that always makes my head woozy (and my heart cry, "Must leave now!"), all to be hedged-in by crowds (though I, personally, find people fascinating, I do hate being suffocated by crowds of them), pretending I'm pleased by all the attention.
(Can you tell I've given this some thought?)
I could self-publish a book (which feels like a better fit), but books generally cost more that way and I'd hate to make anyone pay actual money for what they can get free here in my blog every week.
(Did I ever tell you that 28 years ago Tom and I had our own music store beside our home and--when I worked the counter--I sold things for less than we'd purchased them because I felt so bad about making people pay for stuff?)
Clearly, I have issues. :)
But anyway, this is certain: If/when God wants me to publish a book? I'll feel that nudge and then Grace will be all over the project (as she's all over my daily life). No horrible nightmares involved, no bashing my head against walls with regret and no turning into someone different than who you've found inside this blog.
There shall be peace if God asks Grace to help me write a book, miraculous peace even should planes, cities and crowds be involved.
And perhaps? Perhaps God calls some people just to be bloggers. He might, you know. If so, I'm totally ok with that, for there's great happiness in doing what God created you to do, however small-appearing.
And in the meantime, please feel free to read/print/share these 2,900+ blog posts, my 'letter to the world' as Emily D. phrased it. Besides, any hold-in-your-hand book I'd write would simply look a heck of a lot like this blog, for I have only one heart--the same one I've shared for these 9 happy-to-be-here years. With you.
Yep. That drawing says it all. heh.
Last week through Netflix I watched A Perfect Day and when Rob Lowe (as a new author) gets yanked from his family and all around the Country by his publisher, I was like, "That's it! That's my nightmare right there on the screen."
(It was a good movie, by the way. Terrific lessons with an unexpected twist.)
"From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." ... Ephesians 4:16
Oh, the contentment of accepting and obeying the personally designed calling of God upon us.