Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Recognizing When A Thing Isn't Working

Gah. Time to make changes in my world--again. Though these changes feel more like slipping backward, yet backward to a place where things were good.

Things have not been good 'round these parts lately. No, too often I've succumbed and watched tv all day with Tom, and ok, we've been sick and the weather's been lousy (my excuses). But even before all that, tv--even nice, interesting tv--snatched many of my hours and too much of, well, me. Sucked me out of, well, myself.

I began to forget who I am--again. 

I kept losing me in all the noise of the living room and having Tom constantly here and trying to, well, micro-manage him into exercising (even just moving around, for heaven's sake), eating decently, taking his vitamins and discovering just who he is outside of the power plant and what and who he should be now.

It. Just. Hasn't. Worked. I've only become a sorry, pathetic nag (I confess).

So I'm giving-up. Yes, giving-up because sometimes that's exactly what God wants. I mean, people become so hypnotized by the ol' "never, ever give-up!" thing that they (we) forget to consider if you never give-up the wrong thing, you'll only dig yourself a much, much deeper pit. Alas.

So there arrives a day to put away foolishness, and well, this morning I told Tom, "Please don't take it personally, but for my own sanity, I'll just have to pretend you're not here during the day. I'll have to imagine you've driven away to your job because I need my life back. My real life--my real me, the loner me who needs silence to think."

Tom--being so understanding of me (and quite weary of my nagging) smiled and said he totally gets that. (He's probably anticipating being left alone to some blessed silence of his own.)

Truly, we can't force another person into finding themselves, we can only lead by following our own path of inspiration. We can give others the space, the freedom in which to discover who they are,but we can't push or shove, for they must stumble into their real selves, well, all by themselves. Alone--with God.


So hooray for Blessed Normal (if only in my head)! I'm nearly happy out of my head--no more being untrue to who God's made me just because various, weighty circumstances got tweaked six months ago. 

I'm stronger than that He reminded me, but only when I paused from nagging and complaining long enough to hear Him.


Had a great idea yesterday. I'm using our crockpot to humidify our house rather than steaming water in a small stainless steel pan on the stove. The crockpot way is a million times easier and more efficient--only took me 30 years to think of it.


Pat said...

You're preaching to the choir here Sister Deb!
I've had those same feelings, words and actions since my husband retired. I'm almost sorry I bought him a recliner, it's used way too much, LOL!
Being a loner myself, I understand where you're coming from. Winter is the absolute worse, at least in the summer we both are more likely to be busy outdoors.
Vitamins, eating right, exercise? Futile. He's on his own. I make it available, now its up to him to use it. ONly problem with that is I want him to live a long and productive life..what to do?
As you can see, you hit a nerve with me....LOL, sorry to carry on!

Debra said...

Oh yes, Pat! You certainly do understand. You've got me laughing until I went into a coughing fit. Heh. :) Exactly, exactly, exactly about the just wanting them to live as long as we do. But it probably all comes back to trusting God with the whole situation--and whether we really trust Him or not. sigh.

Thanks so much for commenting. you made my day. (And how are you feeling today?) ...Debra

Morning's Minion said...

This is the first year of full retirement for us along with a move to KY. We had a year in WY where my husband's business was winding down, but there's nothing like the real thing.
I find quiet time absolutely essential to my well being and there are days when hours of a country music station interspersed with TV drive me nearly wild.
And the food---coffee, snacks, sweets.
Fortunately J. does have interests--he buys used machinery, rehabilitates it and then sells--but guess who has to do the postings on craigslist--errr.
It all points out what a fragile and irritable character I must have!

Debra said...

Morning--you and me, both. heh. The other day I had to apologize to Tom many times because I kept snapping at him. In my defense, I didn't feel well, but hey... what's my excuse the rest of the time?

Seasons like these come along to show us the areas we've still not handed over to God for Him to change and remake. He's shown me I've still got a long, long way to go. heh.

You, too, sound as if you've totally, been there, done that with this retirement thing--thanks so much for commenting! It's great when others understand. I know things will be better when Tom can get back outside and to his garage so he can pursue his interests out there. In the meantime, pray for us, ok? :) ...Debra

Echoes From the Hill said...

Another loner, here, who needs her space!
My husband is on transitional retirement, meaning he works half time at his regular job, but also does consulting. He used to be gone a lot. Now, he is home a lot! He is writing reports, on his computer, but her is in the house, all day, which is alien to me.
It is hard!
I feel your pain!

Anonymous said...

The crockpot for humidity...great idea!! Not that I need any extra humidity here...but likely we will live elsewhere, perhaps not too far off, and just may need a SLOW way to add humidity to the house!!

Blu-I'd-Blonde said...

Oh, dear, you've put into words so much better than I can about having a man around the house. In one way I love having him here and miss him when he's gone for whole days and evenings at a time (he's in sales)...but I miss the days when he had predictable hours and I spent half the morning reading, studying, and meditating on The Word. Oh, I miss that and can't seem to find my way back to it...so many interruptions from not only him, but others too.

O, there's got to be a way, and a place, that is sacred to a woman who needs time, space, and peace to think.

Julie in Texas said...

Since my husband was laid off last Fall, we have been basically playing musical rooms to gain our alone time. Luckily our older house has doors to close of most every room (no open concept for me!), so when he is in the study on the computer, I can be in the living room, kitchen or bedroom. When he moves to one of those rooms, I usually pop into the study and use the desktop, hence the late night postings! ;)