Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Looking Back--Sometimes It's a Good Thing

Oh, for three afternoons I sat upon our sunny patio at a bistro table with my books and looked all around, with warm sunshine upon my back, at the clear blue skies and lawn and bare trees and listened to the echo-y creak-cur-eak of the frogs in the winter lake piercing the country springtime silence. Glorious. Purely glorious.

This morning we are back to this:

Blech. Just blech.

But you know? During those glory days, Springtime swooped into my head--and heart. And now, like the old Ragu commercials said, "It's in there!" And it cannot be taken away. Okay, so it's a frozen, cold world out there again, but inside me, Spring's promise still burns like a golden lantern.

And that reminds me. I have a cool new friend! Her name is Judy, and well, she's spiffy because she's just like me. ツ She tells me about herself in emails and I think, "Hmm, haven't I read this before? Nah, I lived it!"

Well, Judy has been reading, since last week, my whole blog from the beginning. I can't even imagine such a thing, but that's what she's doing, bless her heart. She's back in 2006, so sometimes I go there to see what I was doing back then.

And at first, I noticed something. Namely, back in 2006 I seemed to be more creative, took way more walks (even in winter), re-decorated lots more often, had cuter vignettes around my house, had more fun and appeared, well, happier.


And at first that concerned me because it appeared like I'd lost some ground, growth and teachings. But wonderful God reminded me of a few things, namely, I'm just now coming out of one of the hardest months of my life and these dark times have tended to (sadly) make me forget that until the middle of February, I felt pretty chipper. Dark, sad times can tend to do that--erase the lovely stuff.

And just as I thought, "Well, ok but my vignettes around this house are BOR-ing," God told me to walk around these rooms and look at what I'd created here. And you know? My corners and displays here at this farmhouse are kinda cute, after all. They're just different than they were in our last house. But different isn't bad--it's just, well, different. 

And of course, God had already been nag--, uh, telling me that if I exercised more I wouldn't be so darn snippy to Tom out of general stress within me. So yes, because I did walk all the time back in 2006, I was less stressed-out and generally happier. But rather than just gaze back longingly, hopelessly, I'll simply tweak some things, as in, actually start exercising again instead of adopting this slug-like lifestyle. 

And I can always be more creative--only I can stop myself from living creatively (and only I can rev it back up again).

So what am I saying? Sometimes I need to look back--to return to happier times-- and then discover where I took the wrong turn that led me to sadder days. And today, with all this new snow, I'll let my mind wander backward to those glorious sunny days last week on our patio and stay there, maybe--drifting, sitting in the quiet sunlight at a bistro table in my head until the real thing, Real Spring, returns to stay.


Need some humor on this day? Check out my post, below.



Saija said...

the seasons of life ... always changing - and always new ... even though we know it may be "winter" or "spring" ... it still takes a different form each time ... more severe - or arriving sooner with flowers ... one never knows and we never get bored!!!!

i look back and take my spiritual temperature at times ... to see how i am in the present, compared to where i was in the past ...

as always, i love your honest sharing ... blessings on ya!

Julie in Texas said...

You know, you're right, Debra. It's a struggle sometimes to realize that we can make lemonade out of lemons. I have friends that walk on snowshoes or glide on skis on Winter snowpack, ski and sled down the slopes of glistening, frozen water and skate on its lakes of ice. Where I live, man tries to re-create this Nature's landscape by refrigerating thin sheets of water into ice skating rinks and blowing shaved ice in the air to form "snow" for just a little while.

While, in these later years, I have made the decision to be inactive and can see it doesn't really help me, I could choose to get moving in some form or fashion, as I used to in past years. Your post has helped me see this.

Oh, and from what I have seen, your vignettes are like thumbing through photos in a professional magazine or photography book! :)