Saturday, August 30, 2014
The Woman I Hate
Here's an oldie post, one which came to mind as Tom and I drove around to yard sales this morning..... oy!
Really, I try not to hate anyone. I remind myself that satan is the one to hate and he is, in some way, always behind every snide remark, every unfair assumption and all things evil.
But, even so, there is still one woman I do hate. She is our GPS lady.
Oh how Miss GPS bugs me! Tom and I will be tooling along lovely country roads and I'll be telling him something ever so meaningful and deep (heh) and suddenly there she squawks! Miss GPS drowns me out with her annoying, "RIGHT TURN IN FIVE MILES."
Due to some deep-rooted psychological childhood issues, I detest being interrupted (and being told to go to my room. Alas.) And so I must pause until she finishes speaking, for Tom can't hear me otherwise (I can barely hear myself). And because I must stop, and because she irks me no end, I sometimes forget what I was saying.
So I try again. "And when I see these things happening, I feel..."
"RIGHT TURN IN FOUR POINT FIVE MILES."
"Gah. Now, what was I saying before she interrupted me?" (I pause to remember because my brain is over-50-defective now.) "Oh yes, when I see these things happening, I feel..."
"RIGHT TURN IN FOUR MILES."
"Argh! I can't stand that woman. Tom, can't you turn her off for the next three miles?"
Tom chuckles (he thinks this is all hilarious) and says, "If I do, I'll forget to turn her back on and we'll miss our turn."
Oh well. At least our early days when Tom still held out hope that I'd learn to read a map are long, long gone. Miss GPS gets us to where we wish to go without arguments about a certain someone who is a map moron. So I guess chalk one up for a bit of electronic progress.
Although, sometimes Miss GPS is the new map moron (how fun for me to hear Tom blame her). Sometimes she takes us three blocks out of our way, runs us around in a circle then decides on a different route. Or she'll tell us, "YOU HAVE ARRIVED," after we've already bought our yard sale treasures and are a block down the road. She'll instruct us to turn when it's too late or too early, sends us off in the wrong direction or speaks of roads which do not exist. (Tom does not chuckle at these times for he pictures all the dollars we might have to spend to replace Miss GPS.)
Of course--to me, but not to Tom-- that's what makes Miss GPS loads of fun. Serves her right, anyway. And besides, it's always interesting to listen to someone who appears to have lost her mind. :)