Gah. Time to make changes in my world--again. Though these changes feel more like slipping backward, yet backward to a place where things were good.
Things have not been good 'round these parts lately. No, too often I've succumbed and watched tv all day with Tom, and ok, we've been sick and the weather's been lousy (my excuses). But even before all that, tv--even nice, interesting tv--snatched too many of my hours and too much of, well, me. Sucked me out of, well, me.
I began to forget who I am--again. (Why's that so simple to forget?) I kept losing me in all the noise of the living room and having Tom constantly here and trying to, well, micro-manage him into exercising (even just moving around, for heaven's sake), eating decently, taking his vitamins and discovering just who he is outside of the power plant and what and who he should be now.
It. Just. Hasn't. Worked. I've only become a sorry, pathetic nag (I confess).
So I'm giving-up. Yes, giving-up because sometimes that's exactly what God wants. I mean, people become so hypnotized by the ol' "never, ever give-up!" thing that they (we) forget to consider if you never give-up the wrong thing, you'll only dig yourself a much, much deeper pit. Alas.
So there arrives a day to put away foolishness, and well, this morning I told Tom, "Please don't take it personally, but for my own sanity, I'll just have to pretend you're not here during the day. I'll have to imagine you've driven away to your job because I need my life back. My real life--my real me, the loner me who needs silence to think."
Tom--being so understanding of me (and quite tired of my nagging) smiled and said he totally gets that. (He's probably anticipating being left alone to some blessed silence of his own.)
Truly, we can't force another person into finding themselves, we can only lead by following our own path, hence creating a path of inspiration. And we can give others the space, the freedom in which to discover who they are. We can't push or shove, for they must stumble into themselves, their real selves, well, all by themselves. Alone--with God.
So hooray for Blessed Normal (if only in my head)! I'm nearly happy out of my head--no more being untrue to who God's made me just because various, weighty circumstances got tweaked six months ago. I'm stronger than that He reminded me, but only when I paused from nagging and complaining long enough to hear Him.
Had a great idea yesterday. I'm using our crockpot to humidify our house rather than steaming water in a small stainless steel pan on the stove. The crockpot way is a million times easier and more efficient--only took me 30 years to think of it.