Monday, July 12, 2010

Going Nag-Free-- And Liking It


Some lessons we learn at once, others we must learn over and over, perhaps because, well, who knows?

Anyway, this Do Not Nag Your Husband lesson is one I must re-learn, like, every year. Maybe it's because of personal insecurities which make me want to control as much of my world as I can. Maybe my self-worth still has too much of a strangle-hold on having to have things look perfect. (You know, all what will people think, say or do?--ish.) Perhaps I'm afraid I can't be contented living with what I perceive to be ugly.

I do know that this farm life of ours opened up a whole new world to Tom, got him out of the house (after 29 years when yard work was my thing), and we've been butting heads out in the yard ever since. Well, kinda. He just has such different outdoor ideas! Different indoor ones, too, for that matter.

So for two years now, whenever I forget my myriad Do Not Nag Your Husband lessons, I nag him about all the junk inside the garage and barn and whine and nag when he loads more garage things into the car from yard sales. And each time he suggests yard ideas which I think are, well, ghastly, I give him eight (panicky, high-pitched) reasons why they'd throw off the whole feng shui and chi-whatever of the farm yard. And let's not even mention all the nagging I do about the fatty, salty food he loves.

Hmm... (drawing a curtain over what could be a book...).

Anyway, around Friday, God sat back down at his teacher's desk, sat me down at the pupil's desk and reminded me that, 1.) Nagging does not work. Usually the exact opposite of your desired results take place. 2.) Nagging is naughty. Unbiblical. And makes me look and sound like a witch. 3.) Nagging carries over into other areas for both people involved. Tom's life will feel worse and so will mine, what with the low-key resentment I lug around in my heart. And 4.) Nagging shows God that I don't trust Him to work on Tom, hence my 'helping God out' with my cranky, screeching whining.

Blah.... blah.... blah..... :)

Well. After returning to the classroom with God and after confessing I'd forgotten all my previous Thou Shalt Not Nag lessons, I admitted my transgressions to both Tom and God and determined to change.

And guess what? We had an amazing weekend! (Shocker, that.) We went and saw Toy Story 3 and both adored it (my second time to see it, even.) We drove to yard sales (I'd been on yard sale strike for two weeks, then realized I was the only one suffering here) and had great times and I found cool books, too. We ate fatty, salty food together (man, it was tasty). And we even attended an annual town fair, complete with a petting zoo and wild birds, pony rides, a classic car show and chain saw sculptures.

It wasn't even that the activities were so wild and unusual, but rather, the sweet fellowship was back. Tom wasn't just waiting to make one wrong move and then hear me go off, boom! with complaining. No, I not only held my tongue (stuffing things down inside only leads to eventual physical problems), but I went one better. I just let go of what I wanted, what I thought was best, what I believed was wisest. And had one amazingly fun weekend.

Imagine that. Imagine God knowing best.

Now, if I can only remember these lessons for more than 3 months...


"Guard your heart with all diligence; for out of it flow the issues of life." ...
Proverbs 4:23

"A quarrelsome wife is like
a constant dripping on a rainy day..." ... Proverbs 27:15


Lisa in Texas = ) said...

I can relate!
Lisa :o)

Melissa said...

Wow, did I ever need to hear this this morning. Thank you for this post. I appreciate your honesty and humility in sharing your story!


Name: female, not even with a capital F. I shit you not! said...

;0) (((hugs)))
More great days to you & yours.

... Paige said...

you could give him his "own space" in the yard to do with as he wills and who knows maybe you'll like it. It could happen.

part of the way I keep myself from stressing is letting go of stuff, just general stuff

Donetta said...

love it! now to just apply it to the nagging of my kids :)