Thursday, February 16, 2006
Seasons With Grace
After five weeks at home following his shoulder surgery, Tom will be returning to work tomorrow.
No more hours and hours of us lolling around in our winter room watching movies and tv series on dvd... trying to be first to solve the mysteries... squealing toward the tv, "Wait for back-up! Stay out of that dark room! Shoot him! Shoot him!"...
No more days when, if I washed a load of laundry, ran down to the video store, wrote in my blog and washed the dishes in between movies, I considered it a highly productive day.
And ok, maybe it wasn't a mega-productive season, but it was still a season of learning. But then, every season is rife with lessons if only we can stay calm enough to learn them.
I relearned a lot these past 5 weeks. I relearned that God sends along Grace to help me do anything which needs to be done, only sometimes, I fail to open the door for her when she knocks. I keep her standing outside in the rain while inside, I try to keep my normal schedule, when actually, God sent Grace to me almost Mary Poppins-style to give me a break...to give me peace and rest in the middle of this season of helping Tom...to give me permission to just sit and keep him company while he healed.
He reassured me there was nothing more important to do than just that. Never is anything more important than what God is asking us to do at any given time.
The only hard minutes these weeks were the times I did what God wasn't even asking me to do... when I was feeling pressured to do 'business-as-usual'.. to keep up... doing work, alone, when Grace and I should have been doing it together.
But I'm learning.... I'm learning that when I'm frustrated, I've again, shut Grace out of the house and closed my ears to her knocking. I've again, like a child who's failing at dressing herself, cried, "I do it myself! I do it myself!" till I fall in an exhausted heap on the floor.
I'm learning to recognize that frustration comes from one of two things:
Either I am doing what God never asked me to do in the first place, or
I'm doing what God asked me to, but I am doing it without His help. Without Grace.
Frustration, for me, has become like a red light suddenly flashing on a car's dashboard... "Warning! Warning! Something is wrong!" And when I see that red flashing light, when I feel even tiny risings of frustration, I am learning to get off the road, sit awhile and calm down.
Then proceed down the road with Grace to the next season just up ahead.