Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Jungles of Confusion


On Tuesday night the fog rolled out of my head and the sun arose, making Life appear good again. How good to feel good!

During my Flu Days, Tom and I watched probably 14,000 dvd's (well, maybe not that many...), but on one of them, a young man doubted whether he should continue his training to become a priest. He took some time off, then later, shared his doubts with his own priest who had some, ok, I'll say it--rather dubious advice. He chuckled and asked the young man, "Is that all? All these years later, I'm still waiting to feel certain that I should have become a priest." He went on to tell him, basically, that you just have to hope you've made the right choice, do the best you can, yada, heard-it-all-before, yada.

What's up with that? I thought this was true:

"A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8.

I've found there is no peace in making a decision, then wondering whether I should have made a different one (a.k.a. second-guessing). That fits more into the department of fear... fearing I've missed God... fearing I'm disappointing Him (and everyone else)... fearing I'll miss the fulfillment which a lot of other people seem to find.

And, well, fear brings torment (1 John 4:18). And that's the last thing God wants us to live with. (Can you imagine?)

I've found that crumpling-up my own agenda helps me make more right choices. I make fewer wrong decisions when I'm not in this life for myself, but rather, for whatever God asks. It was an extremely happy day for me when I realized down to my bones that God knows more than I do. That His ways are always right. That He never made a mistake in His whole life.

And there is comfort in knowing that, if I should make a mistake in what I thought I should do, God will still be blessed that I did what I did because I truly believed I was following Him. Yes, He'll be blessed because it's one thing to make an innocent mistake out of love for God and quite another to be determined to fulfill my own agenda come heck or high water.

It's my own agenda which ruins everything. My own agenda rolls in like fog and obscures God's plans for me. It's my own agenda which leads me into a sort of jungle where there are bunny trails galore leading to bubbling, miry bogs of confusion. Deep pots of wondering, second-guessing, indecision, doubt and confusion.

We walk by faith, yes, but we are also led by God. Faith is not like fog because God and His ways are not like fog. They are sure and certain and always right.

No, I had enough of fog and bogs. Been there, done that. Give me God's ways every time, please. There's not a bunny trail amongst them.

***

"For He is not a God of confusion and disorder but of peace and order." 1 Corinthians 14:33

"...because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." Romans 8:14

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