"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." ... Romans 12:18
This is not a political post. (Whew, right?). Yet perhaps some will find a parallel on this 'morning after'.
(Oh, and it's the final time I'll speak about this topic. Not only are you sick of reading about it-- I'm sick of rehashing it. Eegads.)
Yesterday my dream of owning a colonial house, died. I would say forever, but there's still Heaven, after all. (Literally.)
All summer, and now Autumn, the colonial dream crushed my heart. I'd find the near-perfect, we-could-easily-afford-it house online and then Tom would say, "Eh." And walk away. Again and again.
Potential! A new project! Paint and wallpaper dreams! All these infused me with energy. Then because Tom wasn't on the same page, splat! I'd fall, skin my heart and vow never to let it happen again.
Yet over and over, it did. (Oh, the posts I spared you.)
Recently Tom told me he fears if we buy another house here, we'll never leave New York, even after he retires. And New York is The #1 Worst Place to Retire Spot (he often reminds me), due to ridiculous taxes, mostly. Nor is the snow what you'd call retiree-friendly.
I told him I'd be fine with a simple 2 or 3-year project house. More than. But Tom can't face moving twice in 3 (or so) years, the second move to a saner-for-retirees state.
Me? I believe if something's God idea, He'll equip us to do it somehow. Well, I did believe that. But I guess yesterday I stopped--in this one area.
Tom's back was hurting him again and I remembered the post-polio stuff and how both of us are practically decrepit now and well, that's when the dream finally, quietly, slipped away and died.
Pffft. No more colonial for Debra on this planet, anyway.
Part of me even accepted that--maybe--we'll get stuck at Hobbit Cottage forever, still be here when we're greyer, weaker and even more pathetic. Yes, Virginia--there is that possibility.
But silently, slowly, I asked God to change my heart and embrace remarkable, God-given acceptance. And you know? The pain differed from the previous hurts. I thought, "If I must remain here because of Tom's disability--I can do that. In our 38 years together, I've often made such concessions."
Truly, God rewards obedience, non-grit-your-teeth acceptance and seeking peace with others.
My gift this time for 'moving over to Tom's page'? A cascade of creative ideas for this limited-space Hobbit Cottage. Suddenly I could picture replacing anything around here that I didn't love or find useful (ala William Morris) with items I find prettier, quirkier. Like my current redecorating project, only on steroids. :)
Creativity returned! As did anticipation and appreciation of a new challenge, one forcing me to stretch and grow into a stronger person and one who can wait well, even for years, for certain dreams to come true.
Besides, as long as I have God, everything will ultimately be ok. And with Him, I really can do anything.
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." ... 1 Corinthians 2:9
"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." ... Isaiah 43:19
Here's my latest Ebay acquisition, 8 of these drawer pulls which I fell in love with, instantly (and they were cheap!)---
Free Kindle Book:
No dream is worth losing a household of peace.