"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." ... Isaiah 40:31
Sometimes we've been traumatized and don't even realize it. We try to ignore it, race through it, compartmentalize it. We chide ourselves for not feeling like we normally do, telling ourselves to just snap out of it. These will only push our healing farther away.
These waiting rooms--they're not full of good times or lots of people. I sit in them alone, mostly, though this week I spent much time with Tom there. We watched a gazillion episodes of Alias (one of our new favorite shows, ever) and ate Chinese food and Debra's cooking and waited. Simply waited to heal from last Friday's horrible shootings.
Mostly that's what I do in these waiting rooms. I wait. Pray. Meditate.
But I've noticed there's something God won't let me do there--He won't let me meditate on what went wrong, what could have gone wrong, what's liable to go wrong in the future.
No, He asks that I think, instead, about how He's leaning right up against me on the couch, waiting along with me until I feel better. He's whispering encouragement to me from His Book, holding me, assuring me that everything will be ok--someday.
And I can't hear the good stuff if I fill my head with the bad. He also doesn't like it when I condemn myself for needing to stay longer in the waiting room than other people do. He reminds me (again) not to compare myself to others... and to feel what I must feel, allowing the healing to reach completion, otherwise I'll become a bag of opened wounds.
One more thing He often asks me to do from the waiting room? He asks that I encourage others in simple ways as He leads. He knows that's some powerful medicine, indeed--encouraging others who sit in waiting rooms of their own.
Well, anyway... the time to leave this current room is nearing, I can tell. Oh, I never permanently leave this place, but after the healing arrives, there does come a time, His time, for me to venture forth back into Real Life and help others find their healing, too.
And move forward.
Be still and know that I am God..." ... Psalm 46:10
"... but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." ... 2 Corinthians 10:12