Thursday, January 10, 2008
The other day I had this thought-- People who hate change are usually stuck. And darn unhappy.
That thought came to me while I stood in the sunny kitchen of our apartment. Did I tell you that the window over the sink gets afternoon sunshine and the setting sun as well? And do you know how long I've dreamed of a kitchen window like that? Only the whole 29 years I've been married, that's all. Twenty-nine years! And the window finally came to me when I opened myself up to renting a tiny one-bedroom apartment in the lower front of an ancient gold house near the railroad tracks. The same tracks outside that kitchen window where I watch trains speed by and, with hands in soapy water, dream about the places they are going.
I love living in this apartment. Can you believe it? I mean for the first years of our marriage I thought only a gigantic Victorian house would make me happy, but I never did get one of those. And now? Well, a Victorian house would so make me tired.
Grace led me to this change-- this apartment--and I'm happy there. The kitchen is arranged more efficiently than my old one (and there's that sink window!) and I actually have counterspace surrounding my stove top (feels like a miracle after 14 years)... and there's a laundry closet off the dining room so no longer must I wander down to the dark depths of a basement, lugging heavy baskets up the stairs later. The bedroom is even larger than our previous one was before we opened it to the next room and this one is much easier for arranging the furniture. The living room is simpler to arrange, too. The bedroom closet is longer and larger and the bathroom vanity is tons more convenient than our old pedestal sink and there's the clothesline I've craved for 14 years, as well.
But you know? The old Debra who used to hate change would have hated this apartment. She'd have whined, "It's too small. Too modern-ish. Too much in the wrong part of town and what will people say/think/do when they hear about this?"
But the new Debra is breaking free from what 'they' say (whoever 'they' are...) And she realizes there is no new adventure unless there are a few changes at least somewhere in the journey. And well, she's loving change right about now. She long ago tired of same ol' days strung together like pages in a book you've read a million times. Pages which will never change except to yellow and turn brittle with age.
Oh, sometimes that's exactly what makes a book comforting, especially in times where there's too much change happening in your home or your head or in the world. But other times, other days and other years, change is a doorway to new things, new lessons and new roads rife with new adventures. And I'm learning to view change as a good thing--to trust God that the changes will be good ones, either immediately or after some time. And seeing change now as the open door to adventure and variances of Life, bringing variety and surprises which never could have come otherwise.