Monday, November 29, 2010

Traveling Beyond Wishing

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." ... what my mother used to always tell me.


So the other morning while I walked down our dirt driveway to get the newspaper from the mailbox, I gazed around at the sun and the lawns and bare orchard trees, breathed deeply of country air and thought, "Oh, how I wish that today was early spring. I wish that winter was over and soon the buds on our magnolia tree would open all pinky-purple glorious."

Of course, this little voice inside cleared its throat and said, "Uh, Debra. You do realize that winter hasn't even begun, right? And that wishing will never, ever make Spring follow Autumn? So why waste time and emotional energy and risk discontentment?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes Wisdom can be such a drag. :)

Yet of course, he's right.

Speaking of that, I'm thinking that sometime three nights ago, Grace, likely because of my ignorning her, crawled out the window and raced far away into the darkness. All these months since Tom was laid off I've been pretty darn patient having him constantly around the house. But lately! Oh dear, I've been all, nag, nag, nag and complain, complain, complain.

The wishing thing is also tripping me up with Tom's being home all the time.

How? Well, since The Day Our World Changed, poor ol' Debra has fashioned herself overwrought with all the extra work. She's had more dishes to wash, more meals to cook, more clutter to pick up and more laundry to wash (Tom's work uniforms used to be professionally cleaned). And since I'm trying to make and save money in hyper-drive so I can avoid the outside scary workplace, I'm on the computer more often while I complete my surveys, find and print coupons and brush-up on my something-from-nothing skills. Not to mention the extra writing I should be doing for possible income, something I'm mostly avoiding, so it's rather heavy on my mind.

And so, in the midst of all that, plus computer problems (hey, why not?), I've mega-wished that things were as they used to be--but more than that--I've wished I was as cheerfully adaptable as I believed I was.

So. Over and over, I grab myself by the collar and shake myself a bit. When I catch myself wishing, doing the ol, "Calgon, take me away," thing (yes, even escaping to the bathtub at times), I stop. Just stop in whichever room I happen to be and firmly tell myself, "Debra, get a grip. Get proactive. Get a plan."

And then I fix things. For example, rather than trying to write blog posts here while Tom's shoot 'em up tv shows blare three feet away (making me wear headphones with music playing, now hearing gunfire and music ) I, instead, write here while Tom is sleeping. Or away at doctor appointments and errands or while he's quietly reading the newspaper. I mean, why create frustration when I can avoid it?

And when I stopped wishing for my own room downstairs (and stopped complaining that the formica table in the bay window just was. not. working.), a terrific idea popped into my head. Why not create a desk area at our hoosier cabinet, instead? When I need time alone and some quiet, I can pull the pocket doors closed between the dining room and living room, sit at the hoosier and softly play my record albums at my feet. And now I love that area.

Moving some of my workload to 6:30 a.m. Cooking a few meals ahead. Picking-up all day with no words, just (glad) acceptance. Changes, changes. Is the list endless, I wonder?

And yet plugging away at what is bugging me, discovering one solution at a time and creatively fixing what's making me bonkers instead of zapping my mental strength with wishing and nagging (causing more problems)--that's the way to go, I'm finding. For me, anyway.

After all, where there's a will there is a way. My mother used to tell me that, too.


Thickethouse.wordpress said...

Good for you, Debra. Necessity is the mother of invention, but it's a little more than than. When there's a will there's a way? I'm looking for an elusive saying that would fit what you are doing and I'm not finding it! But what you are doing is what must be done.

I always told my kids that they weren't allowed to complain if they weren't trying to find a solution. (And maybe they weren't allowed to complain then either. Maybe they'd be assigned writing a list of ten blessings!)

Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

"Why not create a desk area at our hoosier cabinet, instead?"

Grrrrrrrrrreat idea! One of those, where when the idea hits, we want to bump our head and say a version of that "I could have had a V-8" line. :-))))

Why didn't we think of this, before?

Unknown said...

Your mother would be proud to know that you are remembering the saying she used to quote to you. We need to remember those wise sayings. Seems you handling things quite well even if there are bumps along the way. Just stay focused.

Pat said...

Bumpty, bump, bump...the road of life we travel.
I know what you mean by all the extra's that happen when your husband is home. Suddenly it's like a diner serving all day long!
The road of life is also adjusting...that's just over the bridge from bumpty bump!

Judy said...

I wish that there were at least ONE DAY a year when it would be okay to scream and whine.

All I ask for is one.

And, over here we could use a year of Jubilee.

Blu-I'd-Blonde said...

Yes, I understand having the husband around. I compensate by staying up half the night because it's the only time I count on not being interrupted by anyone, including phone calls, etc.

Your solution sounds great--my "office" is also equipped with a pocket door that I can close. Luckily hubby doesn't use his computer (in the same room) as often as I do my laptop, nor does he use it at night.

If I have to I can move my laptop anywhere, even to the library or coffee shop. Yea.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are getting a head start on managing retirement when the two of you [or 3 of you} are all home at the same time. I was a full time homemaker..used to having some hours alone most days. I Love and feel the need for some time alone. Always have. To read etc. Even to garden alone. Or to be able to clean out a closet and have stuff all over and time to put it all back..alone. Doesn't happen now. Even if I start joke,.. in 3 minutes time there he is!! :o Hubbie is home and when not he likes me to go with him when he goes out! :) Yes we have to know what we need for peace in our minds but adapt adapt adapt!!! :) I still love Hubbie though and always will!! Sarah