Friday, May 09, 2014

When You Must Release a Dream

What began as a happy dream can become a weighty nightmare if it wasn't first birthed within the heart of God.


My longest, most faithful readers know this about Tom and me: 

Wherever we live, moving to a different house is often on our minds.

We look at real estate listings online in search of houses a bit bigger and with attached garages (winters being what they are here and Tom's having a tendency to slip) and ones with 1940's retro kitchens and finished basements and --- yada, yada.

Well, something huge-to-me happened this week.  While I yet once again perused online listings, I realized that maybe I can pull off the major 'retirement move' we plan on making someday out-of-state, but to make another additional move here in New York? 

No. No, no, no. 

It might just kill me. Physically, my back and sorry, over-50-and-reaping-what-I've-sown stamina couldn't handle it.

When Tom arrives home from work each day, I resemble a bent-over granny. No, really. After cleaning, walking, and working in the yard, it's hard not to go all drama queen on Tom, whining while throwing together a quick dinner (which, yes, I should have tossed into a crock pot early in the morning. In the mornings, I feel so young.).

So it hit me: if I'm a wilted mess by 5:00 during normal times, what would another move do to me? Probably mess me up. Forever.

And I let it go. The searching (and its temptations), the dreaming about another house and I clasped acceptance, instead.

When I told Tom all this, he said maybe I should go see a doctor, but I replied, "Huh! Why pay a guy to tell me that I'm older now and my back hurts because I'm overweight, when I already tell myself that for free every day?"

Gah. So this week another dream fluttered down to the pile with many others I've released over the years.

But after some time, I realized it's ok. God's already nudging me/us to become more proactive about creating at Hobbit Cottage versions of what we've sought elsewhere. On Monday, in fact, the window guy will come give us an estimate for enlarging the living room window which looks down at the river (we must stand on tip-toe to see it now). And other workers/painters will, hopefully, be soon to follow.

And if I really trust God (and not just parrot that I do or secretly fear I'll miss out), I'll be more excited about His dreams and plans for me than any of my own. I'll know that His ways are always higher, better and that I can only move forward when I release what's meant to stay behind.

Why share this? Because since, in this blog and in regular life, I've made up my mind to concentrate upon what's going right, I'm not always clear about what's gone wrong. I don't want you to think that it's easy for me (or anyone) to live life with a smile and a sunny disposition, especially in today's 2014 world.

No, it requires God. And renewing our minds with His word. And Grace, the Holy Spirit, dying to self, living by hard decisions and--though we'd rather not hear this--dying to any dream which God didn't plan for us to fulfill ...

... because He knows our personal limitations. Because He sees ahead. And because He planned something even better all along.


"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."   ...   Epictetus

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord."   ... Isaiah 55:8

Being positive doesn't mean we deny the existence of difficulty, it means we believe God is greater than our difficulties. –Joyce Meyer


More free (as of today) kindle books:

Ellen's Pearls

Home Sweet Homes

The Choice is Yours

32 No Bake Pie Recipes

Food Drying


Anonymous said...

That sounds like a very reasonable thing to do Debra. I am not sure why giving up our dreams sometimes is so necessary, but it at least gives us peace. We have had to give up most of ours over the course of our lives together. And search for ways to be happy no matter what. Sometimes we have been more successful than others. We are even further down that physical road than you and Tom. But it sure makes it easier to make decisions on what to keep and what to discard!! We do have to work smarter, not harder. We both hurt ourselves while working on downsizing our storage unit this last winter. But we are making decisions a lot based on what we can lift and handle now.
Elizabeth in WA

Sue said...

How wise of you to realize that continual moving is not always good. Getting into Hobbit Cottage has given you and Tom a sense of security. With the job loss the last few years and with changing body abilities having your little home with all its conveniences makes life easier on both of you.
At least I hope this works for you for the next years.

Pam said...

Debra, your home and yard are so inviting, but I can identify with you--I'm always dreaming about moving to other locales and living in different homes. It's a good thing my husband is my opposite where this is concerned. With retirement just a few years away, even he is starting to think about living elsewhere. Funny thing, every time we look at other properties, we come back home and want to kiss the ground. The old farm place isn't so bad after all. I guess when the time is right, God will lead and give us His peace.

Bonnie said...

Thanks for reminding us that you're not perfect, Debra. Always growing and changing. I just stopped by to wish you a Happy Mother's Day! You're a good mom.