Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Crashing and Burning of Dreams
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." ... 1 Corinthians 13:11
Ugh. Don't you hate disappointment? Yeah, I do, too. At first, anyway, because often? I see that God had a better plan than mine all along.
So, well, anyway... yesterday we had a 5th generation Brick Guy come out and give an estimate to have our house front, bricked. Stuccoed, too, on the two portions, above, since brick is too heavy for those.
Good grief. We've not received the formal estimate yet by email, but he gave us a quick one for just the portion along the porch. It was twice what I'd figured (isn't it always?). Twice. And that's not even counting the stucco on the top parts, for we'd have to do something up there for we certainly can't just leave it in outdated blue siding. Yick.
Yes, we can get additional estimates, but to find someone who'll do it all for half price? And to just spend all that money on the front of the house? Sigh.
Well, now we're thinking we should just reside the whole house. We could probably have it done for the same price.
And I'm ok with that. Already I can see our little house in a creamy pale yellow, with white trim and light green shutters. It would look sweet. Cozy.
But at the first thought of siding and not brick? Oh my, releasing that brick dream was rough. Brick Guy left and then Tom and I came into the house , me with my head hanging to my waist, practically. Tom went to the computer to look up Siding Guys and I stepped into the kitchen to make hot chocolate and 2 tablespoons of quickie chocolate-frosting-in-a-cup. (Oh chocolate... where would we be without you?). And I moped. Considered crying, but passed. Grabbed my double chocolate snack and watched an episode of Flashpoint-- weird comfort tv, but oh well. It helped.
And got over the loss of my brick dreams. Let them go. Moved on.
And today it's really ok. Maybe someday we'll have a white-washed-brick-fronted house or maybe God's making me a Heavenly brick house. But whatever, I refuse to stay camped-out at Disappointment Campground. Nope! Life is too short for self-pity and besides, God expects us to leave our childish fits and tears behind, grow-up and always want Him (and His will) more than anything else.
And to choose His plans. After all, His plans for us happen. They come to pass, but only when we cooperate with Him--and let go of that which drags us down--the stuff that never came from His heart to begin with.
And oh, how I prefer His ways! I just needed some time to heal from the crash and burn of a dream. God gets that, allows a bit of time for that, just so we don't camp in that space.
And today? Today I'm fine and dreaming of pale yellow siding, white trim and light green shutters. Already there's a new dream within my heart and only time will tell whether it's meant to step into reality.
1 Corinthians 14:20
Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." ... Proverbs 4:23