Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I can't even express the huge change in how I feel about my living room since I painted it. Where once I just tolerated being in there, now I find excuses to spend more time within those orangey-mustard walls.

But for a day, that fact concerned me.

Why? Because I realized I'm more highly affected by the colors surrounding me than I'd believed. And yet, for years I've liked to think, to fantasize, even, that I could happily live inside a cardboard box if I had to, as long as I had Jesus living in there with me. But for all these months, those cold, white walls of our living room made my skin crawl. And I'm not even mentioning the huge dark paneled wall in there which I can barely tolerate.

Hmmm.... there's a rather large discrepancy in that paragraph and inside my head, and well, it discouraged me for awhile. I'd wanted to be stronger than that, but well, it's usually a disappointment when you finally get real about yourself.

But eventually God reminded me of this passage written eons ago by Corrie ten Boom:

"When I was a little girl, " I said, "I went to my father and said, "Daddy, I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to be a martyr for Jesus Christ." "Tell me," said Father, "When you take a train trip to Amsterdam, when do I give you the money for the ticket? Three weeks before?" "No, Daddy, you give me the money for the ticket just before we get on the train." "That is right," my father said, "and so it is with God's strength. Our Father in Heaven knows when you will need the strength to be a martyr for Jesus Christ. He will supply all you need – just in time…"

What Mr. ten Boom called strength, I like to call Grace--and well--here's what I think God wants me know:

Yes, now I am affected by the colors surrounding me, yet I'm also able to change those colors whenever I wish. But someday, should the time come when I must live in a box or a jail cell (because of my faith) or a white-walled, tiny hospital room, or even to face martyrdom as many of Corrie's family and friends did, then--then--God will give me Grace to face any of those happily. Grace will be there only at the moment she's required. But I don't need that special form of Grace right now.

And I've been smiling ever since.


Thanks to each of you for your nice comments regarding the wall in my previous post!

1 comment:

Donetta said...

I think I would just love to come sit in your color. The corner is an inspiration to finish and go to the next room")
I am painting my daughters room today and for the next few days.