The Awakening

I remember driving down a tree-lined street to church years ago--only one mile away, but you can have an epiphany in just one mile.

I spied other people driving to other churches. People who didn't look too happy to be going, or maybe they always just frown while sitting inside a car. I don't know.

But other folks in bathrobes stepped out to their mailboxes to get the Sunday newspaper. I knew they'd walk back inside their comfy homes and probably have coffee and read the paper all morning. I saw a woman jogger, then some kids pulling wooden blue wagons, delivering more newspapers. One man was walking his bull dog.

I looked at all these people and the thought struck me, "What makes me different than non-Christians? Is it only because I have Jesus in my heart and I go to church?"

I came to a stop sign and thought, "We live in the same town and we lead similar lives. We go to the same stores, watch the same local tv news, read the same newspaper, send our kids to the same schools."

And then another thought slapped me--hard. "And I am probably just as sad as they are, too."

Ouch.

I pulled into the church parking lot, turned off the car and knew in my soul that Jesus should make a difference. I mean after all, the God of joy unspeakable and full of glory lived in me and yet most of my days I felt melancholy. Moody. Up and down, but mostly down.

Something was wrong. I wondered what did I have to offer others if I felt so empty, myself? They already had enough sadness--they needed no other offers for more.

I hesitated. Wavered. Then I flinchingly asked God to show me what was wrong. And boy-oh-boy, did He show me.

As they say, be careful what you pray for. You might just not like the answer.

And yet it just might set you free.

Over months and years God showed me I could not blame my sadness on other people. Not on hard times or bad days or no money. Not even on the devil, himself, because Jesus had died to give me power over him.

My own, personal sadness was my own, personal fault.

I'd allowed my thinking, my attitude to become like the world's--a world without Jesus was showing me how to think.

It was like Jesus was in my heart, but not in my head.

And that was the beginning of the most enormous change, ever, in my life. What a journey!

And the map of that journey is scribbled all over this blog. 




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"You have turned my mourning into dancing: you have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness." ...Psalm 30:11

"Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let men say among the nations, The Lord reigns." ... I Chronicles 16:31

"Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain." Isaiah 40:4