Constant Communication

You wouldn't have recognized me 26 years ago.

I was one sad woman.

I mean, there I was a Christian, living in my favorite little mountain town in a cute two-story house with a terrific husband and a darling 6 year-old daughter. We went to church. We had friends. I was thin and healthy and often walked to the town's old-fashioned library in a 1920's cabin where I discovered many favorite authors I still read today.

And yet I was lonely. So lonely, in fact, that I remember at least two eternal afternoons when I called the Time and Temperature operator just so I could listen to another human voice.

Oh my.

And those were *before* my depressing Nevada Years which I told you about.

Sad. Sad. Sad.

Sad that I looked to other people and relationships and things and stuff to meet my deepest needs.

Sad that Jesus was in my heart, but only there, it seemed. Not in my everyday hours.

Sad that I did not know Him as that Friend who sticks closer than a brother, who is more real than any brother.

Back then what I was hearing from everyone was that I should take time each morning to read the Bible and pray and then everything would be better. I tried that. I tried it and it failed because it became just another item on my To Do List. It turned into just another discipline. Just another Debra-led-thing instead of a Spirit-led-thing.

When something is Spirit-led, there is Life to be found there. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and joy unspeakable and full of glory.

Well, my quiet times were so not like that. I sucked the life and liberty and joy out of them by doing these things.

I struggled and hobbled about for another eight years... wandered through my own Israelite wilderness of sorts...

...and then He came.

He came when I tossed away my legalistic To Do List... He came when I got out of the way... He came when I came to Him without an agenda, but instead, with only a hunger to know Him.

Just to know Him.

And suddenly in those times, there was light and anticipation and delicious thoughts about what is good in this life.

And no, I wasn't finding myself--I was finding Him. I don't want to know who I am--I want to know who He is. In turn, He will show me, me -- I can handle seeing myself through His eyes much better than through my own.

And now there is a constant communication all day long... a constant drawing from the well which never runs dry--so how could I ever thirst again? A constant, running conversation is always taking place between my heart and His--so how could I ever feel lonely?

There are no more long, silent afternoons where the clock seems to tick backward...There are no more phone calls made to previously recorded voices.

Now there is just one voice all day long. And it's enough because He is enough.

***

"[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly.]" ... Philippians 3:10