"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." --- Isaiah 41:10
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See that dresser in the center of our kitchen?
From the red couch, I watch Tom step from the left-hand countertop to the right-hand one, always pausing with his hand upon that dresser, first. No longer can he walk across the kitchen without bracing himself in the middle.
Sometimes, that hurts my heart. (If you're new here, as a baby, Tom had polio which settled in his leg.)
Last week we reminisced how Tom, decades ago, would carry his heavy guitar case into church. Or an amplifier. Out in the woods, he chain-sawed-down huge, towering trees, cut the rounds, loaded them into our truck. At his job, he climbed steep stairs to verify the highest boiler readings or just as exercise. On vacation we'd travel, sight-see, zoom along by train, camp.
Now? When out and about, Tom can carry only what fits into the brown leather 'man bag' around his shoulder. His hands must grip two sporty canes or the car-stored rollator. When descending our three steps to the back door, I stand at the bottom for encouragement. Always.
When home again (after oh-so-slowly climbing those three stairs), he uses our home's rollator to walk to each room. It can carry dishes, clothes, water bottles, etc. via the box he installed on top.
Travel: at this date we can't see that happening again.
But where I refuse to allow my mind to wander? To an imagined future world of scary unknowns, one stuffed with hours too tough to handle, days where I must do everything Tom no longer can.
And just so you'll know, I refuse to make peace with fear. I will never grant Worry a rental agreement inside this brain! No way, Honey, will I tolerate fear's lying mouth.
Probably you've heard 365 Bible verses exist telling us not to fear, one for each day of the year. That's lovely to know, of course, but if I choose to worry/fear/dread anyway? That's not lovely at all. That's actually disobedience.
Yikes.
Besides, I believe it hurts God's feelings when I doubt His continued supernatural care. (One example is that He gave Tom his dream job at age 56. Eleven years later he still has it and our gratitude is huge. I mean, how often does that happen?)
During our hour of reminiscing, we felt so thankful we did the activities of our youthful years while we still could. We respected those early seasons; I like to believe because we followed God's promptings.
Only He could see this far ahead and realize we'd--now--so appreciate our memories of Young Tom and Debra On The Go.
The changes in Tom's body arrived slowly and each time, God provided a way to handle, to overcome each one. And here's the wonderful thing: still, even now, God gives us new dreams, ones we can do at this late date.
Of course, they are simpler and most folks wouldn't understand the delight. But that matters not.
What we know is that consistently shoving away walls of fear will allow us to grow closer to God in love and anticipation of days to come...
... and even with a 100 percent healthy body you cannot top that.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that Naomi goes with Tom to nearly all his appointments, most likely for the same reason I stand at the bottom of the stairs--encouragement that we have his back. We are blessed to have Naomi's help these days.
... and I do want to mention Tom faithfully works out on the treadmill (it has strong arm rails) and with weights and tries to eat right. He's not just sitting around waiting for 'the hammer to drop'. He's doing his part and believing that God will do His.
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What I'm still doing each day? Expecting at least 4 favorable things to happen, then counting them at night.
(Joyce Meyer said she wakes up thinking, "Something good is going to happen today," and I thought I'd up that to four good things will happen. heh.)
At first I expected many positive things would come from other people, but only a small percentage do. Most come when I stop procrastinating and actually make progress on various things.
I'd show you a typical list, but you'd laugh. シ But what matters is that always I can count on at least four lovely things happening every single day of my life!
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New England in Autumn Oh my, this was almost too gorgeous to watch!
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If that spirit of fear does not come from God, why would I want even a tiny piece of it?
Your homework, if you choose to accept it (heh) is to see how quickly you can recall 10 times God gave you something special after you lost an earlier blessing.
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"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ... Matthew 6:14,15
