Wondering About Marriage Nowadays

I look at couples in vintage wedding photos and wonder what their marriage was like. 

And from there I question why there were so fewer divorces back when these couples were alive. Many people now would be quick to say things like, "Women had to stay married back then if they wanted to survive because of so few other choices in employment." Or, "Couples were probably just as unhappy together back then, but it was generally taboo to speak about it."

Well, maybe.

Then I wonder about the rampant divorce rate of today. Oh, of course I realize that some spouses are just plain jerks. And jerky-spouses have always been around and always will be. But I'm not talking here about extreme cases. I'm speaking of the thousands of marriages which end because of vague, general reasons such as incompatibility.

And still I wonder--could divorce be rampant today because people are generally more selfish? Instead of asking, "What can I do for you to make you happy?," aren't we usually asking, "What about me? What's in this for me? Why aren't you meeting my needs?"

What if we asked ourselves instead, "Why am I so insecure in some areas? Why do I crave pats on the back? Why do I need recognition outside of my marriage? Outside of my relationship with Jesus?"

Speaking of incompatibility, I think even we as Christians wonder whether God made a mistake when he created that annoying thing about opposites attracting. Have you ever wondered what's up with that?

Well, maybe I've been married too long, but it's all beginning to make sense to me now. I mean, I've even thought of some advantages to opposites attracting! Here's a partial list:

If you and your spouse are sharing the morning newspaper over breakfast at, say, McDonalds, there's no argument over who gets to read it first. No, he takes the sports page and the classifieds and she takes the entertainment and local sections. Perfect, harmonious solution.

When each spouse prefers a totally different genre of movies/tv shows, it's a good thing to broaden one's horizons by taking turns and watching each other's preference. Who knows what you might learn to help you think more creatively or communicate with others better? This carries over also to preferring vacationing in different areas, meeting different people, trying different foods, etc.

My favorite: When a child has two totally different personality types for parents, he/she then has the blessing of the whole spectrum of being human. For instance, where I am weak, my husband is strong and vice versa. So my child is able to see strength in more areas than in just, say, my piddly areas where I am strong.

Where my husband is not a bookkeeper, I am and where I'm a pinch-penny, my husband is braver financially and has purchased many of our necessities. And right there is one of many areas where we help keep each other balanced.

Well, you get the idea.

We're pretty experienced at asking others why they act the way they do. Every once in awhile it's good to ask ourselves that same question.


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"We insult God when we go to people to meet the needs only God can meet." ...Joyce Meyer