The Memorial Day Inside My Head

Memorial Day. Well, I will remember our soldiers who have fallen, yes! But I will also recall my loved ones who have passed away. This may sound wildly controversial to some, but always I've been thankful that no one can stop me from thinking whatever I wish. 

No one can reach in and snatch away my own private thoughts.

And nobody can force me to dread the future just because they're dreading it like crazy or doubting God's goodness.

No one can make me become a bitter, unforgiving, afraid old-before-my-time lady.

Well, no one except for myself. I, myself, can certainly push my head into some creepy, dark places in a matter of seconds. But I must keep choosing, each day, not to.

Has anyone else noticed that Life in 2011 isn't exactly getting easier? 

I'm thinking the 2000's require us to, daily, purpose in our hearts to think and live God's positive, hopeful way. And I purpose in my own heart to let His voice, His written words, tell me what I should be thinking, for I prefer peace. Joy. Strength. And not falling down. 

Uh, no. I want to stand--not all bent over and shot-up by satan's darts--but tall, straight, and looking forward to a future with a towering, can-do-anything God all over it.

That's what I want. But it's gonna take much purposing within my heart and head to get--and stay--there.



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I was so grateful for you who left condolences here and at Facebook for me regarding the death of my friend, Sandy. I've been praying a special blessing for each of you who paused to show me you care. Thank-you with all my heart.



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"Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion ... " 2 Corinthians 9:7

"But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord..." ... Joshua 24:15

My Daily Conviction List

So during this past winter, especially, I'd wake up at night, 2 or 3 a.m.. Sometimes earlier, sometimes later. And in the blackness, the conviction would begin. Droning. Nagging. Whispering.

"You didn't do your back-strengthening exercises yesterday." (And usually my back was hurting to illustrate that point.)

"You forgot to brush McCartney The Long-Haired Cat, even though she doesn't like it. But the hair which she can't reach to clean is all matted."

"You didn't floss. You've not written in your diary in weeks. You barely drank any water yesterday and the bird feeders outside are still empty. And you didn't eat one single vegetable yesterday, either." (Good grief.)

Convictions keeping me awake! Gah! 

Some were from God, some from me, but all came in the silence of the night. (It's harder to ignore God when the noises of daytime are gone--and He knows it.)

So after a few weeks of all that nighttime nagging, finally I got out a large index card and wrote down what I call My Daily Conviction List.

 On the list are those things which I'd heard whispered in the night and other tasks which I tend to forget like, getting the newspaper from the mailbox before Tom goes to work, playing the old-fashioned radio in our kitchen because it's a cool retro thing to do, taking my vitamins, keeping the water-filtered jug full, etc.

The List stays on our counter top and when I'm feeling especially energetic and efficient, I go down The List and do the things bam! One right after the other. Check, check, check. All done.

The best thing? I'm sleeping better, for the nighttime nagging has ceased. Hooray! The second best thing? My daily tasks are getting done daily. Kinda blows your mind, doesn't it?

Isn't it amazing what a little bit of obedience to God can do?

*****

"To obey is better than sacrifice." 1 Samuel 15:22 (Always, I hear Keith Green singing those words whenever I read them. Anyone else?)


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"It's the little foxes that spoil the vine." ... Song of Solomon 2:15 (And if I'm sloppy, it's the little things which will spoil whole portions of my life.)


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Wearing Ones Guilt Like a Bag of Cement

I have a friend (or had one-- you decide) who would feel so guilty about not reciprocating my gestures of friendship, that she'd 'hide' from me. And then feel guilty some more.

Oh my. We'd have the best times when we'd get together two or three times yearly. We'd laugh, relax and watch movies in our basement or go out to eat or share lunch with our husbands or visit at outdoor church functions. We had much in common. 

But then Life would get in the way, especially for her since she has a real job, and too, she lives a distance away over the New York state thruway, the stretch which makes me oh-so-nervous. So always there were obstacles to our getting together, but as I said, when we did, we both agreed it was grand. Simply grand.

Once a couple years passed that we didn't visit together, but I wrote letters, mailed a couple gifts and she called me sometimes and sent Christmas cards. More time passed then her husband called and asked if he could bring 'Sarah' over to our house as a surprise because he knew she'd missed me, but she was imagining I was upset with her because she'd allowed our friendship to go stale. Silent, even.

So he surprised her and Sarah was so happy her husband had 'pushed' her into this visit. And after I assured her that I'd never been mad at her, we proceeded in having the sweetest fellowship ever. 

Well, except when she reiterated her list of all the things in this life which make her feel guilty. Sarah had a long list. 

It wasn't a list with big-time sins--she's robbed no banks (heh) and has never considered straying from her marriage. No, but rather, she still feels guilty that, when her daughter was young, she prayed she'd be popular because, Sarah, herself, had struggled with her own unpopularity in high school. Her daughter did indeed become popular, a fact Sarah regrets because she believes her daughter's popularity was the source of all her hardships in high school and ever since. 

With every mistake her daughter makes, Sarah blames herself for that long ago prayer.

That's the kind of guilt I mean, the kind which rides around upon your head like a heavy, uncomfortable bag of dry cement, veering you into a ditch to the left, a ditch to the right due to great imbalance. And slowing down every single journey you take.

Since moving to this farm we live even farther from Sarah and her husband and though I've sent a few cards and notes I've not heard back from my friend for at least 5 years, perhaps more. I've emailed her --unanswered, all. Sarah, most likely, has slipped back into thinking I'm mad at her, when actually, I'm just sad. Sad that, for the 17 years I've known her, Sarah's life seems to go from one sad happening to another, from one guilty ditch to another, seldom varying from the well-worn condemnation road.

And today if you, also, walk that road? I hope you'll remind Sarah (and yourself) that Jesus died to carry all that guilt away. And the conviction He now brings is wrapped inside a Love so great, a burden so light, that there are never, ever any bags of dry cement within His outstretched hands. 

There's only guidance, light and freedom and a straight path to joy.



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"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ... Matthew 11:29, 30

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Need a laugh today? Read this. (I'd love to know if it made you smile.)

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"... do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength..." ... Nehemiah 8:10


To everything, there is a season-- even friendship. And no season lasts forever.



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Don't you just love the beginning of a new year? The chance to start over, begin fresh, try again and renew hopes of change?

I do.

This year I hope to (among other things) act upon the lessons I've learned my previous 50 years. And oh my, have there ever been lessons! Hundreds. And while I'll, of course, learn new lessons, I'm anticipating acting upon what I've already learned, often the hard way. Some afternoons I think, maybe by the time I'm 80 I'll get everything right. :)

And I do hope you noticed the lack of awful guilt and condemnation in that paragraph, for those two things will only slow me down. I mean, how many runners ever win a race while kicking themselves down the track? No, I'll choose the conviction of God over guilt and condemnation, for hope and encouragement and unconditional love come woven into conviction. Give me conviction any day!

Happy New Year to all my special readers! I look forward to us growing-up together.


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Here is a gift from me to you, a Susan Boyle song which is perfect for this first day of a new year. Let me know if you love it as much as I do.

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"New Year's Day is every man's birthday." ~Charles Lamb

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"... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." ... Hebrews 12:1

Some of my blogging friends are experiencing depression/melancholy/the blahs and I feel sad for them. I also feel deja vu when I read their words for I remember having those same sorts of weeks and years back in the 80's and 90's. But the good news? God set me from from depression and He can do it for anyone.

But now, for me, there are just occasional moments of melancholy and I've learned to--as Barney Fife would say--nip them in the bud. As in gardening, it's one thing to pull up a tiny weed, but quite another to yank and tug a huge monster weed which has been allowed to grow a long, mighty root.

If I feel sadness or a discomfort within this skin, if I've lost my joy and contentment, I immediately begin asking myself questions:

What sorts of thoughts am I thinking? What am I concentrating upon? Too much of one thing? Too much of a negative thing? Am I wallowing in self-condemnation, being way too critical of myself--or others?

Am I holding a grudge toward someone or resenting God, even? Has my heart grown impatient? Am I gossiping? Am I obeying my convictions?

Am I holding onto the past, am I trying to live there? Am I holding onto a fear of the unknown future? Am I worrying about anything or anyone?

Am I eating right, or am I eating the sloppy way I used to in my carefree 20's? Am I taking my vitamins and getting enough sleep? Am I working too hard? Have I taken time out for fun lately?

Am I mistreating the people in my life? Am I nagging my husband? Am I ignoring him or my friends? Do I owe a lot of emails or apologies?

But usually? Usually, for me, the problem lies in one place. Often when my peace has vanished it's simply because I've gone all out-of-balance and I've been desiring something else more than I desire God. My hunger for things or activities or my own way has become greater than my hunger for more of God in my life.

When my minute-by-minute relationship with God is tight and right, then all else amazingly falls into place. When I'm close to God, when I've got a grip upon His strong arm, I can never wander away more than a short step before He pulls me back... before He brings me back to center... before He restores and refreshes my soul.

My hourly hunger for Him, for me, is the key. For He is Light and Goodness and Joy-- and it's inside His presence where I want to remain and dance and celebrate all the days of my Life.

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Psalm 16:11
"You will show me the path of life: in Your presence is fulness of joy; at Your right hand there are pleasures for evermore..."

What Memories Am I Making Now?

(Another re-run, one from a few years ago, one I recall sometimes.)

Magazines like Reminisce or Good Old Days are filled with childhood memories. I take notes of what these now-grown children remember from years long gone. Funny how you can sit at a table with a cup of coffee and relive a day of someone's life all over again, even if that day happened before you were even born.

Sometimes I go back into my own childhood and relive a memory. I spend time with the good ones and tend to leave the bad ones alone, perhaps believing they will die from neglect.

But the pleasant memories make me smile and they make me wonder, "How am I spending my adult life? What memories am I making now?"

I have a friend I've known more than fourteen years--sweetest person on Earth. But every time I've talked with her she's spent half of our conversations saying she hates her job. She's afraid to look for another career so she stays in the same one, year after year. Her adult children make her crazy and sad with the choices they make and she has an emotional (and physical) war going on with her old house. And more.

She does have a terrific husband. And you know? I try to bring a little happiness into her days, but there's only so much another person can do. So I watch her spending her years like money--using it up on stressful, worried days, one after another.

And that is the life she is remembering.

It takes a lot of letting go to have a happy life. Letting go of fear, of perfectionism, of believing things must always be one certain way. A certain releasing of our children as they live their adult lives and learn from their own mistakes.

It takes releasing guilt and condemnation. If I am always a guilt-ridden, sin-conscious mess, I will never be filled with joy. They cannot exist in the same place. A joyful life requires that everyday we leave our sins at Jesus' feet--and then toddle forward as a baby with her fingers crunching those of Someone who walks with ease.

When I look back at my life, I want to remember reading books on quiet afternoons. And sitting on my husband's lap in the recliner. Laughing with my daughter in the kitchen or chasing her cats with the cat-nip mouse. I want to recall kindnesses both received and given and painting my walls while Leave It To Beaver blared on the tv. Looking at those walls and these rooms by lamplight at night while thinking, "Heaven must be pretty great if it's going to beat this."

My days are a gift and they are flying. Each year passes more quickly than the one before.

May I always spend my days wisely and with a whole lot of joy mixed-in.




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The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
-Martha Washington


"I have yet to find that God ever uses a man that is all the time looking on the dark side...and is discouraged and cast down...There is no life in (him). Now if we are going to succeed we have got to be of good courage, and the moment we get out eyes on God and remember who He is...then it is that we will have courage given us." ...D. L. Moody

My Number One Pet Peeve

"Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil." Romans 14:16


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I've been thinking about that verse lately. In fact, my blogroll got even shorter this week because of it.

Basically, I'm very, very tired of bloggers who set themselves up as King/Queen of the World and tell us which Christian teachers they believe are "missing it." Which ones we should avoid or be suspicious of.

As though these bloggers have ever been in those teachers' shoes and they've ever known what it takes to run a ministry which ministers to millions of people.

As though these bloggers have a perfect understanding of Everything, have experienced Everything in God there is to experience and have learned Everything about God which a person can possibly ever, ever learn.

As though these bloggers know what these teachers' have walked through with God at their side and have a clue as to what they would do with such a huge responsibility.

As though these bloggers have listened to these teachers' more than just a few times and come to really know their heart for themselves.

As though these bloggers have even an inkling of the kinds of evil forces which come against leaders every single day and have ever prayed with godly compassion for these teachers for weeks.

As though these bloggers have even spent one minute with these teachers in-person and have come to realize how many thousands of souls have been set free from bondages through their ministries.

As though these bloggers believe they won't have to account for every single condemning word they've spoken against God's anointed people when they stand before Him in Heaven.

As though!

Ever wondered what my pet peeves are? Well, you've just discovered the first one at the top of the list.

And because of this verse, I can no longer keep it hidden. And I'll not read blogs which justify chewing up teachers and spitting out the pieces (even in ignorance). It wounds the deepest part of my spirit--and well, if I'm limping around with a wounded spirit, I'm unable then to minister peace and Life to you.

And you are way too important for me to risk that.


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"Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil." Romans 14:16

Permission To Be Happy

"...Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise." ... James 5:13

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One of the amazing things which changed my life? Giving myself permission to be happy.

For too many years I only allowed myself to be happy if I'd been "a good girl":

If I'd cleaned my house. If I hadn't watched too much tv.
If I'd been a sweet wife, a great mother, a good friend.
If I'd read enough of the Bible for the day.
--Or if the front page news wasn't too disastrous, the weather was nice, our family wasn't having problems and I felt well.

Basically, if all those tiny gold stars were shining proudly on the big To Do Chart inside my head--and if the world ran smoothly with no huge tragedy in the headlines-- then I could allow myself to be happy.

As you can guess, I wasn't happy a whole lot.

But now I've found a better way. I consciously give myself permission to be happy each day, each imperfect day, because God is good--not because I am good. Not because other people are good or because the weather is, either.

You see, God is always good.

Something happens when you base how you feel upon what God does and not upon what you do. You start to feel free. And in your freedom, you stop bashing yourself over the head when you make mistakes. People who beat themselves do not travel very far bruised, wounded. People in self-imposed pits of condemnation become trapped--and they do not condemn themselves into acting better the next time--God's grace makes us better.

In your freedom, you stop punishing yourself for days--losing whole weeks when you could have blessed people who needed your help.

In your freedom, you crawl back up on the horse right after you've fallen. You let God brush you off and whisper encouragement in your ear right before you gallop back into the journey, the race. In your freedom, there is happiness while riding on the way to where you are going--not just when you arrive at your destination.

And God becomes your biggest, loudest-cheering fan--not the harsh critic you once thought He was.

Today I am giving myself permission to be happy. Tomorrow I will, too. And that happiness will help me endure anything along the journey's road.

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“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Permission to be Happy

"...we count them happy which endure. You have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen ... that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy" ... James 5:11


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One thing which changed my life? Giving myself permission to be happy.

For too many years I only allowed myself to be happy if I'd been "a good girl". If I'd--

Cleaned my house.
been a sweet wife, a great mother, a good friend.
Hadn't watched too much tv.
Read enough of the Bible for the day.
Or if the front page news wasn't too disastrous, the weather was nice and I felt well.

You know, if all those tiny gold stars shone proudly on the big To Do Chart inside my head. Oh, and if the world ran smoothly, too.

As you can guess, I wasn't happy real often.  ツ

But now I've found a better way. I consciously give myself permission to be happy each day, each imperfect day, because God is good--not because I am. Or other people or the weather or the world is, either. 

You see, God is always good.

Something happens when you base how you feel upon what God does and not upon what you do. You start to feel free and in your freedom? You cease bashing yourself over the head when you make mistakes. 

Love that.

In your freedom, you crawl back up on the horse right after you've fallen and you let God brush you off and whisper encouragement in your ear. You realize God is your biggest fan--not the harsh critic you once thought He was, that's He's in your corner, even when you mess up. Loving you. Anyway.

So today I'm giving myself permission to be happy. Tomorrow I will, too. And that happiness will help me endure anything along the journey's road.


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"So, Like, How Am I Doing?"

Somewhere along the way I discovered some things, namely it:

--ruins my day to get my feelings hurt about little things.
--takes much concentration and energy to hold a grudge.
--requires too many idle words to gossip about how others treated me.

My life became sweeter, more peaceful when, instead of automatically becoming upset with other people, I chose to ask God, "So, like, how am I doing?"

"Have I spent this whole day under a cloud because of what was said to me? Am I toying with becoming a recluse?"
"Was my verbal reaction to that criticism something you, Lord, would have said?"
"How about my emotional reaction? Are my feelings headed down, down into a spiral?"
"Am I learning the lessons I'm supposed to be learning through all this?"

Oh, the difference! 

I can't change others, but I can, with God's help, change myself. And also? I can forgive others--and move on.

God gives me the power, the energy to change, but He does not give me power to stay upset with people. So that's what wears me out.

So may I make right choices so I can keep going and going and ---


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"Love hardly even notices when others do it wrong." 1 Corinthians 13:4

"One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life." Chinese Proverb

My Number One Pet Peeve

Every once in awhile Pollyanna has to spill her guts.  シ

I'll share with you only my Number One Pet Peeve.

Here it is-- I hate it when people who are called to change something in this world, instead, just complain about what needs to be changed. 

They go around telling all who will listen how upset they are about the terrible problem of ______. How it is unfair and wrong and sad that ________ exists. They even cry tears over _______and appear to be quite passionate about__________.

And yet, all they every do is complain (and complain) about _______.

But what super bugs me, is when these same people start complaining that the rest of us are doing nothing about _______. That no one nowadays cares about _______ and how it irks him/her to no end that everyone else is so passive about _______.

So why does that bother me? It's because if a person really cares about _______, he/she will do something about it.

And when a person is fulfilling their calling in life, there is a peace about them, a grace, while they go about doing what God has called them to do, busy with good, changing things:

They do what needs to be done, whether anyone else is doing anything or not.
They're hope-filled, peaceful people because they believe God is using them to fulfill a very real need.
They know and believe something is being accomplished, even if they can't see it on the outside yet--their obedience rewards them with hope on the inside. 
And because of this hope, they aren't criticizing others who are called to different areas. They realize we all have different callings and passions--otherwise only one area of need would be met upon this Earth.

They see God as their greatest helper, obey Him one day at a time, nearly never become overwhelmed. God never gives them more than they can take care of--He has too much wisdom for that.

They walk by faith, not by sight and their faith brings great rewards. And because of all this, a difference has been made in the lives of people involved in ________.

Well, anyway, that is my Number One Pet Peeve. And you can be sure God convicts me like crazy when I find myself taking part in it.


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Let It Burn!

I had a feeling while writing my last post that someone would ask just how do you keep the fire burning? How do you keep your passion for Jesus alive?

So for Meg and others who keep me on my toes (and that is so good for me)....

Basically, you just do whatever it takes to keep your friendship with Jesus the most vital thing in your life. You stay needy for Him--as needy as you are for air, itself.

You come when He calls and stay until He releases you. You leave condemnation behind because it's like avoiding your best friend because you feel so guilty. It makes things only worse.

You listen a lot to that still, small voice throughout the day. You find a good, solid Bible teacher--someone who will not coddle you. You move when God moves. You stop when God stops. As in a dance, you let Him lead.

If you find yourself craving your way more than His, you choose His way--even if it feels like the hardest thing in the world. You become acquainted with Grace and lean on her for the hard tasks.

Basically, you just keep dying to what you want, what you think, and what you feel.

If He tells you to leave the world's things alone, you leave them alone. You do what He gives you permission to do--and you always, sometimes later--discover what He chose for you was best.

You stop trying to change yourself. You cooperate with God and let Him do what He does best--the changing of a heart.

Basically you just die. You die to yourself bit by bit.

And the more you die to you, the more alive you will become in Him. He will change everything on the inside. And because He created something new in you, He will look and see that it is good.

And the fire will keep burning.

A Trap Called Guilt

It's weird. When I first became a Christian, I had no trouble handing over all my previous sins and guilt over to God. I had no problem receiving forgiveness because of (or through) Jesus' sacrifice for me.

But afterward....huh. For years when I would sin or make mistakes or however you want to put it, I would hold onto the guilt like it was holy or something. Like I deserved to feel guilty for weeks because of what I'd done.

Oh, think you've never done that? ....Hmmmm?

Have you ever done something which you, afterward, knew darn well was wrong, so then you asked forgiveness, but then you asked for something else too--a sort of a deal which goes a little like this: "Lord, if you'll just forgive me one more time, I'll spend the next two days doing kind things for people. And I'll be extra-nice to my husband, too."

Good grief. I used to do that all the time, never realizing it was a downright insult to God. I mean, here He'd gone and sent His son to die for me, yet I was still, thousands of years later, making my own sacrifices for my own sins. Still paying for the ones I committed most often.

I didn't realize that either Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was enough--or it wasn't. I didn't realize that I'd become proficient at turning conviction from God into ugly, bat-over-the-head condemnation.

Guilt, the walking-around-and-feeling-bad-about-yourself kind, is a trap. Not only does it make me feel shameful when I'm around other Christians who appear to be more holy than I am, but it tempts me to avoid God. It causes me to spend time hiding from Him (as if I could) because of an innate embarrassment. When I hold onto guilt instead of letting it go, I become extremely sin-conscious instead of new-life-conscious.

That kind of guilt is like quicksand. If I'm to become like Jesus, I must spend time with Him. Listen to His voice. Get to know Him for myself. Yet if I'm stuck in the quicksand of guilt--avoiding Him because of my sins or trying to pay for them--then
I'll not grow, just as fruit cannot grow when it's not receiving life-giving sap from the tree.

Well, anyway...that is what I've found.

My whole life changed when I finally learned to run to God when I had sinned--instead of running away from Him by trying to pay for my badness myself. I still mess up every single day, yet Jesus and I still have a great time together each day. And I'm growing now, especially since Grace arrived to help me around my house--and around my heart.

The three of us are having one terrific time.

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"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin." ... I John 1:7

A Roadblock Called Condemnation

Tom and I drive down summer roads and come across many roadblocks. Summer time is road repair time and we've taken many a detour or just sat in the hot car waiting for orange-vested crews to wave us through.

On the dusty road of my own journey, I have been halted by the Condemnation Roadblock and have camped out there most often, not just for hours, but for weeks and years. I have pitched my black tent there in the road and crawled inside the stuffy darkness so that I could meditate upon my failures.

That's what you do at the Condemnation Road Block.

You unzip your sleeping bag and slither inside and hide so that you won't make other dreadful mistakes. You count your failures one by one. You compare yourself with people who appear to have it all figured out. And when you peer into the future, you see yourself making only more mistakes, so you vow to not even try again to help anyone, at least, not until you act a whole lot better than you do now.

You twist godly conviction into tormenting, clinging condemnation.

And when God tries to unzip the door of your tent, you call from the darkness inside, "No! Don't look at me right now. I'm ugly. I've sinned. I've failed you. Come back later when I get better. When I do some good things to make up for the bad things."

So God stands outside of your tent waiting. And waiting. Waiting while you waste His time and yours and the time of all the people you could be helping. Waiting to continue the friendship He so enjoyed sharing with you.

There's only so much God can do for people wallowing in Condemnation Tents. In fact, He's already done it. He sent His Son to die for us...to pay for our sins...to make us holy through Him. We cannot pay. Either Jesus paid or He didn't.

My stays in the Condemnation Tent are shorter now than they used to be. What brings me out sooner? The banner on the blood-red paper God manages to slip inside the tent: "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

I can step out into the light now, not after weeks and months, but moments. In fact, the tent is rarely used now at all because I've learned to repent...to ask forgiveness...and receive forgiveness. I've realized the folly of trying to pay for something which was already purchased.

I've realized it is not a holy thing to sit inside the Condemnation Tent and feel horrid about myself. The holy thing is to meditate upon how good God is--not upon how bad I am.

And now I move on down the dusty road. The journey continues...the road is long...but the sun is shining and the trees are reaching their arms toward God.

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Basement Theory

Tom and I have one huge, messy basement.

I'm not kidding. I'm being truthful. We've tried cleaning and organizing it many, many times, but still, it's a big fat mess.

This morning I realized why the basement never gets cleaned out. It's because somewhere inside I'm thinking, "If only Tom would get rid of his junk! The basement would look better and be more organized because my junk isn't really junk at all. It's all good, necessary stuff. Tom's stuff is the problem."

And somewhere inside Tom, he is thinking the same thing, only about my stuff.

So of course you know what happens in the meantime, right? Nothing. The basement remains, year after year, a mess.

This Basement Theory used to be a parallel of our Marriage Theory. My thinking was, "If Tom would only get rid of his junky attitudes then things would be fine. I'd no longer get angry or frustrated about all his annoying faults if only he would get rid of all his annoying faults."

And of course, Tom was thinking the same thing, only about my annoying faults.

So guess what? We kept arguing about the same annoying things year after year and nothing changed. Just like Basement Theory.

But surprise, surprise... Changes finally happened in our marriage when I finally began letting God clean out my half of our relationship. When I stopped waiting for Tom to change first, and instead, let God tear me down and then build me back up the right way---miracles happened.

Real big miracles, like-- I could just close the closet door without slamming it and thinking Tom was leaving it opened on purpose to prove he didn't have to do what I ask...

...and if he didn't like the dinner I'd made--I no longer took it to mean he hated every thing I had ever cooked our whole married life...

... and if he wanted to go out alone-- I could stay home and have a nice, peaceful time, and allow Tom some space-- instead of thinking he just wanted to get away from me.

...and on and on to infinium...

It was funny how Tom immediately began changing when I did. I mean, it was like God began changing my eyesight and I looked at Tom differently. Because I'd started looking at what needed to change in me, Tom's faults no longer looked huge. My own faults looked huge because I'd finally let God point them out to me.

Humility shows you what you never had the courage to look at before. And if you don't get blown away by the horrible things you see in yourself, God helps you leave those horrible things behind and He gives you better stuff, instead. But only if you don't get mired down and trapped in condemnation. Heaven help you if you do that.

And oh, the changes which have come to our home since Humility made his appearance. Changes to both Tom and myself. Changes to our marriage.

We're still waiting for the changes to the basement, though.

What Memories Am I Making Now?

***

Magazines like Reminisce or Good Old Days are filled with childhood memories. I take notes, albeit mental ones, of what these now-grown children remember from years long gone. Funny how you can sit at a table with a cup of coffee and relive a day of someone's life all over again, even if that day happened before you were even born.

Sometimes I return to my own childhood and relive a memory. I spend time with the good ones and tend to leave the bad ones alone, perhaps believing they will die from neglect.

But the pleasant memories make me smile and they make me wonder, "How am I spending my adult life? What memories am I making now?"

I have a friend I've known more than ten years, sweetest person on Earth. But every time I talk with her? She spends half of our conversations saying she hates her job. She's afraid to look for another career so she remains in the same one. Her adult children make her crazy and sad with the choices they make and she has an emotional (and physical) war going on with her house and--

She does have a terrific husband. And I try to bring a little happiness into her days, but there's only so much another person can do. So I watch her spending her years like money--using it up on stressful, worried days, one after another.

And that is the life she is remembering.

It takes a lot of letting go to have a happy life. Releasing fear and perfectionism and believing things must always be one certain way. And releasing our adult children to live their own lives and learn from their mistakes.

It requires letting go of guilt and condemnation. A joyful consists of leaving our sins at Jesus' feet daily, then toddling forward as a baby with her fingers squeezing, even crunching those of Someone who walks with ease.

When I look back at my life, may I recall reading books on quiet afternoons and sitting on my husband's lap in the recliner. Laughing with my daughter in the kitchen or chasing her cats with the cat-nip mouse. I want to recall kindnesses both received and given, painting my walls while Leave It To Beaver blared on the tv and staring at those walls by lamplight while thinking, "Heaven must be pretty great if it's going to beat this."

My days are a gift and they are flying, each year passing more quickly than the one before. May I always spend my days wisely and with a whole lot of joy mixed-in.



******
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
-Martha Washington


"I have yet to find that God ever uses a man that is all the time looking on the dark side...and is discouraged and cast down...There is no life in (him). Now if we are going to succeed we have got to be of good courage, and the moment we get our eyes on God and remember who He is then it is that we will have courage given us." ...D. L. Moody