Wednesday, March 21, 2018

The Necessity of Your Own Life



I first posted this, below, in 2010 and though I always mean to repost it yearly, often I forget. But it's been on my mind, so here you go-- one of my most important posts, ever, imo.

(And you'll find an update from yesterday at my coffee shop at the end.)




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Ages ago, I chatted with a widow at church, probably 65-years-old, and sweet. We spoke of mornings and I told her I'm usually up before 6:00 a.m.. When I asked if she, too, was an early riser, she nearly gasped, "Oh my, no. That would make my days feel eternal. I try to stay in bed as long as I can."

Oh wow. I could only suck in my breath then change the subject for I felt surprised and sad for her. Her words haunted me while I drove home that afternoon and they haunt me still.

Since then I have watched women lose their husbands either by death or divorce and here's what I've seen: The women who had created another life separate from their husbands, those are the women who survive. Thrive, even. After the initial shock, they do well, smile real smiles and discover other worlds and the people who people them.

But then there are the others. You know, those who clung to their husbands for all their support and encouragement and companionship. Oh, they had outside acquaintances and activities, yes, but no close friendships or passionate interests. Mostly, their spouse was not just the center of their world, but their whole world, period.

No need to draw you pictures of what happened to those women after their losses. You can imagine how they fell down hard, splattered, crumbled, and then needed whole truckloads of Christians to help peel them off the floor of despair.

So today? Today I would tell those of you who are married: Get A Life. You know, a life apart from your spouse, separate from him/her. A nice life, certainly--I mean, hey, I'm not hinting at a secret, tip-toeing-down-alleys-behind-his-back kind of life. Uh, of course not.

But I mean please search-out something you are passionate about. If you're still not sure of God's unique calling made especially for you, now is a marvelous time to discover what He designed you to do. It amazes me how many women don't know what God created them to do! How can we use and refine those gifts/skills to help people if we don't know what they are? 

Even something simple like learning to love your daily rituals is big. Teach yourself to find the joy and peace in drinking your morning coffee, washing your dishes or folding your laundry. Develop good habits like taking walks (staying in shape--it's vital for your new life), deadheading your flowers, reading inspiring books and learning new hobbies and skills each year. Find and keep and tend to good, solid friendships.

Oh, and learn to pay bills and where to go for help with your investments, insurance, home repairs and all that annoying stuff. Do it now while you still have someone to show you how and where to go.

And above all, discover who you are in God and who He is in you. With all your heart, seek to love Him best. Better than anyone else, for He's the only one who, if everyone else fades away, will still be with you. 

Discover and learn and do and be you today--the you apart from your spouse. Learn what you like (and what you don't) and what you do best. And step away from any fear of the new or the future. 

But don't wait for your spouse to join you. No, this has nothing to do with him/her. This is for you, this is for now and this is for later, also.








Not sure what you can do for others?  Go here.


"You are significant. Even alone."        ... Jan Kiemel Ream



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The first time I posted this, Kristi (a widow, herself) left this very insightful comment which I appreciated much:



"One little postscript: When you still have the gift of life on earth, you can always use it to think about and help other people. I think the poor woman in your first paragraph would not have found her days so long if she had involved herself in helping others. I hope she has discovered this by now."



"Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..."   ... Romans 12:6


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And as I shared at Facebook yesterday --


Oh. My. Goodness! Normally at my coffee shop I'll be the only seated customer & maybe two people will stop in for coffee to go, causing me to pray that this business will prosper for all our sakes. 😏 But this morning! At least 17 people came in, the tables were filled and I thanked God for answered prayer while sipping my coffee. 💕☕️




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6 comments:

Robin in New Jersey said...

I love this post! I know I've read it before, but it's always worth repeating.

Is that picture from the coffee shop?!

Rebecca said...

What a post-worth-repeating! (AND practiced!)

Betsy said...

What a great post Debra. It’s my first time reading it and I do agree with it. It can be difficult to practice though. So much of our lives are wrapped up in our spouses. And I am so happy to hear about your coffee shop. I hope that they will do well and continue to be a cozy safe place in your community. Blessings, Betsy

Debra said...

Thanks, Robin! I often reread it myself as a sort of checklist to see how I'm doing. :) And yes! That photo is from my coffee shop. I believe the two on the right are the owners, perhaps all three, but the sweet gal on the left is the one who's usually there handing me my coffee and muffin. :)

Rebecca--thanks so much! I really do believe in these words and hope to repost them at least once yearly. I'd love so much to help others prepare for their future.

Aww, Betsy.... I've always found that God enables me to do the vital stuff. He sends along Grace and inspiration when I desire to fulfill that specific calling He placed upon me and the only time I find it hard is when I try doing it in my own strength. He would hate for me to be caught unprepared should Tom leave this Earth before me--so He's currently giving me time, wisdom and direction so I'll be ready, in all ways, and truly? I believe He does this for everyone who asks this specifically of Him. Thanks for your good wishes regarding my coffee shop!

Thanks, Everyone! Blessings, Debra

Debi @ Tuesdays Child said...

What an awesome post, Debra! Also besides the writing, I loved being able to see your coffee shop and I pray that it will continue to thrive.

Sorry I haven't commented in awhile but have been busy and am way behind in reading a lot of my emails.

Have a nice day!

Debi

P.S. Speaking of having a life of your own or whatever, I live alone anyways but do have a ton of things to do [interests, etc.] and just last night I added another one on as I ordered a Calligraphy fountain pen. I so want to learn calligraphy!

Debra said...

Oh Debi! You sound like my favorite kind of person--full of interests, hobbies, not afraid to be alone and always wanting to learn more. Good for you! (Wish you lived in my 'hood....smile....) Thanks for commenting! Blessings, Debra