Oh, it was for some weeks. But then I began editing The Farm Years blog posts and all my whining and complaining words blew me away. I hadn't remembered it being that bad. Like most people, I guess mostly I remember the good and see myself in a better light. (Uh-oh.)
Those posts were like seeing Debra without Grace and ack! She was awful.
And yes, she was real and she 'was what she was' during those years and honesty is good and it still helps people and --.
I know, I know. But all these weeks since returning to those farm years posts, I'm still reeling and haven't found the strength or desire to return.
So the whole project is on hold.
You know how I'm always talking about Grace here? How she helps me write this blog and clean my house and mow the lawn and encourage people and be more patient with relatives and friends and with Grace comes strength and desire to keep going? Well, I've learned how to recognize when she's stepped away or when she was never there to begin with ...
... and Grace is not here, at least at this moment, to help me with that book. So I refuse to touch it.
And it's ok. Honestly.
We all must live and learn and step out of the boat to try walking on water, to discover if God is around to hold us up--or not. And long ago I decided that if I'm alone, trying to force myself to stay afloat, then I'll probably drown (fail, miss God's plan, however you wish to phrase it). I want no part of Debra On Her Own, no trying to mimic anyone else, but rather, to be found only where God has brought me, Himself.
Anything else will never be good enough and a huge, messy waste of time.
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"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." ... Ecclesiastes 7:8
"And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." ... John 1:16
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Am I saying I'll never write a book? No, I'm just saying that--at this time--I'm content with writing in this blog because Grace is still here to keep me at it, joyfully. Nearly ten years and counting ...
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The Savingstar Friday freebie is a roll of Scott bathroom tissue. The Healthy Offer is 20 percent off of loose tomatoes.
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Free Kindle books:
Love's Providence
The Anti-Procrastination Manual
Dinner for Two
Oh, and this morning I found the book, South of Superior, at Dollar Tree. Looks good, but we shall see what we shall see. (It's 10.99 for a Kindle copy--oh my!)
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5 comments:
I think of your blog posts as a sort of chapter book you write for us. So even if no hard copy or ebook appears, there is THIS - Debra - in words.
I do understand...tho in a bit different way. I had quite a few notebooks, written full of TRUE, what really happened things from my life. But when we first left NC 2 years ago, I decided to grind them all...and did. Yes, some things I will probably not remember again even if I wanted to...but my motivation was to express myself fully in writing, and perhaps leave a record for the children...to maybe better explain things that happened, or simply to share some things I may have forgotten to tell them. But there was too much information in those books...and some bitterness too...though in reading of the whole of them, that was worked through with GOD's help. But what if they began and never read to the end to see the end result? So I am still fine with their being gone. As I age, I find a lot of things simply do not matter, or else matter very much, anymore. Tis good to be content, isn't it?
BLessings, Elizabeth
I don't remember you as being without Grace during those farm years....I think it was something you had to do to work through that old farm dream and learn some things your were supposed to learn. It was not easy. That was clear. But if Grace were not with you your would never have been able to leave and find the Hobbit House as well as you did, Debra. And perhaps you need to share that with other people who may be going through or about to go through the same things.
Now as to whether you are going to write a book, or write one now, that is something I don't know the answer to. But I think you are being too hard on yourself as you read back to those posts.
Your blog has always been lovely to me, Debra. Even in the farm years, I detected no gloom -- just Life and how we grow and change. Book or no book -- just please keep writing :)
A special thanks to each of you for your thoughtful comments which I know took you some time to write. I appreciate your encouragement!
And for those who don't recall my extreme complaining out at the farm, well, if you go back there, you'll see it. Alas! :)
But as I said, it was where I was at that time and now I can be thankful that God has convicted me about complaining so much and has helped to set me free from some layers of it. And again, I'm grateful .... and grateful for each of you! Blessings, Debra
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