Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Woman I Hate



Really, I try not to hate anyone. I remind myself that satan is the one to hate and he is, in some way, always behind every snide remark, every unfair assumption and all things evil.

But, even so, there is still one woman I do hate. She is our GPS lady.

Oh how Miss GPS bugs me! Tom and I will be tooling along lovely country roads and I'll be telling him something ever so meaningful and deep (heh) and suddenly there she squawks! Miss GPS drowns me out with her annoying, "RIGHT TURN IN FIVE MILES."

Due to some deep-rooted psychological childhood issues, I detest being interrupted (and being told to go to my room. Alas.) And so I must pause until she finishes speaking, for Tom can't hear me otherwise (I can barely hear myself). And because I must stop, and because she irks me no end, I sometimes forget what I was saying.

Ack! I do hate that woman.

So I try again. "And when I see these things happening, I feel..."

"RIGHT TURN IN FOUR POINT FIVE MILES."

"Gah. Now, what was I saying before she interrupted me?" (I pause to remember because my brain is over-50-defective now.) "Oh yes, when I see these things happening, I feel..."

"RIGHT TURN IN FOUR MILES."

"Argh! I can't stand that woman. Tom, can't you turn her off for the next three miles?"

Tom chuckles (he thinks this is all hilarious) and says, "If I do, I'll forget to turn her back on and we'll miss our turn."

Oh well. At least our early days when Tom still held out hope that I'd learn to read a map are long, long gone. Miss GPS gets us to where we wanna go without arguments about a certain someone who is a map moron. So I guess chalk one up for a bit of electronic progress.

Although, sometimes Miss GPS is the new map moron (how fun for me to hear Tom blame her). She'll take us three blocks out of our way, run us around in a circle then decide on a different route. Or she'll tell us, "YOU HAVE ARRIVED," after we've already bought our yard sale treasures and are a block down the road. She instructs us to turn when it's too late or too early, sends us off in the wrong direction or speaks of roads which do not exist. (Tom does not chuckle at these times for he pictures all the dollars we might have to spend to replace Miss GPS.)

Of course--to me, but not to Tom-- that's what makes Miss GPS loads of fun. Serves her right, anyway. And besides, it's always interesting to listen to someone who appears to have lost her mind. :)

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I must admit I do not like that woman either, Debra! She does help get us where we need to go though,sometimes.

Laura said...

He he he. This was cute. And I also understand the annoyance with the GPS system. My sister and I always tease about those voices too. Like if we miss our turn, the voice should get all exasperated and say with a big sigh "turn around and turn left at xyz street." and then it gets more and more upset as you turn in circles just to mess with it. :)

Lisa in Texas = ) said...

Oh what a great laugh I had - thanks so much.
One time when we did use a gps - When she would start talking it would startle me and sometimes I would scream. lol :O)
Lisa :o)

Pat said...

We don't have a talking GPS..well I guess I'm the talking GPS! I learned to read maps early on, so I've always been the navigator. Not an easy job...imagine how the GPS woman would feel if she could hear the comments of all who use her! LOL!

debi said...

love this post....
my sister and her husband have a GPS lady named Lori...they're always getting into little tiffs over her....my brother in law insists she must be right. my sister, when they are at a dead end with no way out is incredulous :)
me.....I call her the other woman ;)

sunnycalgirl said...

I can get lost just leaving a store and trying to find my car..Can I borrow GPS lady? Lol!