Probably every week I hear that Life goes on so we should go forward. Move ahead. Leave the past behind.
And I agree, of course.
But I also know that--sometimes--when I'm not feeling as joyful and at peace as I used to, it helps for me to walk backward to the last place where I remember being happy. Then I can slowly recount my steps and discover just where I took a wrong turn... and arrived at this not-quite-so-happy place.
So recently I read a few pages of one of my (many) diaries and got reacquainted with the woman who wrote those happy words. I thought, "Oh! I remember her. She had a set quiet time in the mornings where she read and listened to God and stared out of windows and thought mystical thoughts. And she took walks nearly every day, wasn't much overweight (and could easily rise from kneeling), didn't watch too much tv, ate her vegetables and wore dresses, even around the house. She loved painting walls, she grew her hair long and loved that, too, and she felt that Life was just plain amazing."
Wow, where did that woman go?
Well, I'm finding she's still here, deep inside me, but she just got a little lost in the two big moves and the whole new life on a farm.
So what I've been doing is finding her in the oddest places (how did you wander there, Honey?), taking her hand, and leading her to this new place in the country where I live. She likes it here, but she does not like the way I've been living my countryside hours.
And now she and I are becoming one woman again. It's taking time, but already it's worth each moment because things are rapidly changing. For the good. Hallelujah.
And I agree, of course.
But I also know that--sometimes--when I'm not feeling as joyful and at peace as I used to, it helps for me to walk backward to the last place where I remember being happy. Then I can slowly recount my steps and discover just where I took a wrong turn... and arrived at this not-quite-so-happy place.
So recently I read a few pages of one of my (many) diaries and got reacquainted with the woman who wrote those happy words. I thought, "Oh! I remember her. She had a set quiet time in the mornings where she read and listened to God and stared out of windows and thought mystical thoughts. And she took walks nearly every day, wasn't much overweight (and could easily rise from kneeling), didn't watch too much tv, ate her vegetables and wore dresses, even around the house. She loved painting walls, she grew her hair long and loved that, too, and she felt that Life was just plain amazing."
Wow, where did that woman go?
Well, I'm finding she's still here, deep inside me, but she just got a little lost in the two big moves and the whole new life on a farm.
So what I've been doing is finding her in the oddest places (how did you wander there, Honey?), taking her hand, and leading her to this new place in the country where I live. She likes it here, but she does not like the way I've been living my countryside hours.
And now she and I are becoming one woman again. It's taking time, but already it's worth each moment because things are rapidly changing. For the good. Hallelujah.
******************************************
I am remembering that being is more important than having.
6 comments:
Hi Debra,
I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel the same way from time to time, usually when I am doing too much and I have found that I have to slow down and find ways to have quite time in this fast paced life we all live in.I have found that listening to classical music through the day,going to bed earlier,getting up earlier and reading the word and having quite time before the day begins makes a big difference with me.Great to see you back on your blog!
I remember your quite morning time and thought you still did it...so now you will.
Hope the vacation break was good for y'all.
Is it Autum that makes one reflect? i've been having the same conversations with myself. i miss, tremendously, coffee and time with God in the morning. i miss taking a walk every Sunday afternoon. And i need to do what you've done - taken that part of my by the hand and re-establish those very good routines and habits.
On the other hand, i've done more things this Autumn to make me happy: roasted and froze pumpkins, bought 50lbs of potatoes (for $10, people....) to share with my mom during the winter from a local farm. Eating more healtily. Learning more about herbs and implementing them into my diet (i am convinced that the Lord has given us every cure for every disease right in nature...i'm finding this to be true more and more as i read and study herbs and weeds and flowers/plants....blows my mind). Redecorated part of my house with things i already had. and so forth.
It's finding the balance, isn't it?
whew i'm a chatty cathy today
oh and YAY for wearing dressses...i LOVE wearing skirts/dresses..love it..even while gardening!
laura
You're talking to me in this post .. and I need to hear it. Thank you. I'll be back to visit.
Life now a days bowls us over from time to time. Things have become too fast paced and going back to the simple ways is the best! A much easier time with less stress and time to breath in the country air. Stopping and being quiet with God is the most powerful thing to me and just meditating, turn off the t.v. and computer go to a quiet place and just be! Glad to have you back Debra you always make me think and forget about my troubles. Take care, Pearl
Yes, yes, I agree you shouldn't revisit your past to kick yourself over something you have done, but definitely revisit to learn.
Hugs. I'm here and reading.
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