Friendship Seasons

Only a few years ago did I discover that certain friends are given to us for certain seasons. And when that season is over, it's like squeezing milk from a turnip to try to keep that friendship going.

Well, I've squeezed many a turnip.

For most of my life, I believed every friendship should last forever. That, if I couldn't hold onto a friend for more than twenty years, there was something wrong with me.

So for years I would put 95% of the work into the friendships which were trying to die gracefully. I'd write 95% of the friendship notes or letters, or make 95% of the phone calls or invitations out for coffee. And then if a friendship still faded away, I just added that to my list of things to feel guilty about. I'd think maybe there was something wrong with me in the Friendship Department.

But then I got a grasp on those season verses in Ecclesiastes 3 and I finally understood that there truly is a season for everything. There are seasons to hold on--I have two good friends who I've known since I was fourteen. And four years ago, I found a friend online who I'd met even earlier in Jr. High.

But there are also seasons to let go.

Then when I read in a book that friendships come and they go--what a shocker! Certain friends are given to us to help us through certain seasons and then they move on to help others? Well, oh my. Something clicked and a lot of weight dropped from my shoulders. 

This truth I hadn't known made me feel lighter--and set free.

I bring this up because this past Christmas I looked at my card address list at a couple names of old friends--and realized it was time to erase their names. I'd not even recognized that I'd slipped into my old ways with these friends--for years I'd been putting 99% of the effort into keeping these friendships alive. Or maybe it was more like trying to resuscitate them, because 25 years ago there used to be so much life in each.

But for the last few years, there's been only work on these friendships and all on my part. And well, the time arrived to respect the Letting Go season.

Sad, yes. Yet there will always be the memories, the gratitude in my heart that these women were there when I needed them (and they needed me). Friendship is like that. 

And the good lessons learned will remain. In every relationship we learn how to be better friends.

And now? I have other friends with whom I share hours and blessings of friendship, ones who enjoy turning around and sharing the gift of friendship with me. 

So today I need to clear away what has died in order to make room and time for what is still very much alive.


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