Speaking of Fear-- Dread is Fear's cousin.
Yeah, really.
Think about it. When you're dreading a dentist appointment, you may be fearing that the time in the waiting room will be long and boring like the last time. There'll be no good magazines. The hygienist will nag you about flossing and will take out her problem marriage on your gums. Or the dentist will get a little drill-happy when he fills your tooth. Etc. Etc.
What else do we dread?
How about driving through slow or insanity-prone traffic to work?
Or the long eight or ten hours at work~~the stressed-out co-workers,boss,consumers, patients, etc.? The paperwork? The meetings? The potential problems? The Muzak?
How about carpooling our kids or sitting through their recitals, sports or doctor's appointments?
Or paying bills? Cooking dinner? Cleaning house? Car repairs? Harsh weather?
Or shopping in crowded stores? Paying obscene prices for groceries or gas?
How about waiting in long lines?
Or buying clothes (and those ghastly-lit dressing rooms)?
How about discussing touchy subjects with our spouse? The grumpy neighbor? Or an upcoming visit with in-laws?
If you never dread anything , pour yourself an extra cup of coffee. You deserve it.
Fear is crippling and brings torment. If Dread is a form of fear, then dread brings torment, too. And who wants to spend their daily life being tormented?
Not me.
So years ago I asked God to deliver me from a vague, year-around sense of dread. To alert me when I begin to dread anything. I wanted to enjoy my everyday life because there was so much of it, and I knew I had to fling away anything which would spoil joy.
Now, when I catch myself dreading an upcoming situation, I take myself by the scruff of the neck and say, "Stop dreading things!" Then I purposely think of at least three good things which may come out of the situation, instead.
Examples, you ask?
Well, the time at the dentist office may be just what I need to slow down a busy day. I can spend the time meditating on God's goodness. Having my tooth filled will help me avoid worse pain in the future.
Or my shopping trip may result in a great sale.
Or I may be able to smile at a fellow-shopper who needs a smile desperately (when you've gone through depression in the past, you think of those things).
Or I may discover a new friend at my daughter's recital.
Or I can listen to my new Joyce Meyer cassette while I'm driving in traffic.
The list is endless, one you can expertly add to with practice.
All I really have is Today, and I don't want my Today to be colored grey by dread.
I prefer the light of joyful anticipation.
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Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)
Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.
Mary Hemingway
***
Here's how it goes--
You spend the first year-and-a-half watching nine baby mice playing and looking adorable. They wiggle out of their homes, smile at you when you come to feed them then race around on their wheel like tiny maniacs.
You get attached and lose your heart to them.
Then you spend the next six months watching them die. They suffer for days with sickness or just fade away from old age. And as your favorite mouse lies there weakly, you pet its head and speak softly to him as his life ebbs slowly away. Then when you return an hour later and see his lifeless form, you cry.
And you vow never, ever again to keep something which lives such a short time.
I am sticking with cats. Our oldest is 14 and yesterday the vet said she's in great health, considering she's like a 70-year-old lady in human years. She just needs to start taking glucosamine for her arthritis.
I can handle that.
Good-bye Little Buddy. March 12th, 2003 - October 15th, 2004
Thank-you for looking at me with appreciation in your eyes.
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I look at couples in vintage wedding photos and wonder what their marriage was like.
And from there I question why there were so fewer divorces back when these couples were alive. Many people now would be quick to say things like, "Women had to stay married back then if they wanted to survive because of so few other choices in employment." Or, "Couples were probably just as unhappy together back then, but it was generally taboo to speak about it."
Well, maybe.
Then I wonder about the rampant divorce rate of today. Oh, of course I realize that some spouses are just plain jerks. And jerky-spouses have always been around and always will be. But I'm not talking here about extreme cases. I'm speaking of the thousands of marriages which end because of vague, general reasons such as incompatibility.
And still I wonder--could divorce be rampant today because people are generally more selfish? Instead of asking, "What can I do for you to make you happy?," aren't we usually asking, "What about me? What's in this for me? Why aren't you meeting my needs?"
What if we asked ourselves instead, "Why am I so insecure in some areas? Why do I crave pats on the back? Why do I need recognition outside of my marriage? Outside of my relationship with Jesus?"
Speaking of incompatibility, I think even we as Christians wonder whether God made a mistake when he created that annoying thing about opposites attracting. Have you ever wondered what's up with that?
Well, maybe I've been married too long, but it's all beginning to make sense to me now. I mean, I've even thought of some advantages to opposites attracting! Here's a partial list:
If you and your spouse are sharing the morning newspaper over breakfast at, say, McDonalds, there's no argument over who gets to read it first. No, he takes the sports page and the classifieds and she takes the entertainment and local sections. Perfect, harmonious solution.
When each spouse prefers a totally different genre of movies/tv shows, it's a good thing to broaden one's horizons by taking turns and watching each other's preference. Who knows what you might learn to help you think more creatively or communicate with others better? This carries over also to preferring vacationing in different areas, meeting different people, trying different foods, etc.
My favorite: When a child has two totally different personality types for parents, he/she then has the blessing of the whole spectrum of being human. For instance, where I am weak, my husband is strong and vice versa. So my child is able to see strength in more areas than in just, say, my piddly areas where I am strong.
Where my husband is not a bookkeeper, I am and where I'm a pinch-penny, my husband is braver financially and has purchased many of our necessities. And right there is one of many areas where we help keep each other balanced.
Well, you get the idea.
We're pretty experienced at asking others why they act the way they do. Every once in awhile it's good to ask ourselves that same question.
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"We insult God when we go to people to meet the needs only God can meet." ...Joyce Meyer
